I came back to Clarion on Sunday around 3PM, the earliest I've been back. He took me back up because his roommate Dan told him 2 days before that the "weather was supposed to get bad". It was just cold. There was some snow accumulation, but nothing to be up in arms at. I was more than pissed, but only because I've been spoiled and been allowed to stay in Slippery Rock until Monday morning from the weekend. When Justin and I got into my residence hall, the lights were out. I forgot (since I don't really spend weekends here) that over the weekends they turn out the lights in an effort to "save money". Justin dropped off my stuff, we said bye and I walked him down to his car. I got back in the hall and went up the elevator, got off on my floor and walked into my room to put my stuff away. It was mildly depressing. I got done with putting things back and laid in my bed falling in and out of sleep watching the Chargers game. After a while my roommate came back and she did her own thing as I did mine. She went to bed around 1030, as she does every night since she's on block and has to be up at an ungodly hour to go to some kiddie daycare thing. I had a pounding headache and I felt like I was going to throw up. I think I had a migraine? who knows. Rachel is going to send me things FedEx-ed through the mail. I was pretty excited. she also kept sending me pictures from when we went to see some of the Penguins players at Dick's around last December. It was a fun time, good memories. I miss Rachel.
Yesterday I went to class, took a test and went over to Ralston to turn in this make-up work crap for a "class" I have. I didn't print out another page that I needed, so I went up to Natalie's room. I called her at least three times and banged on her door. Diamond was out in the halls talking to some girl, so I asked where she was. "Oh Natalie went to New Castle, she's staying with one of Allison's friends..I don't know when she's coming back." Well that screwed me over. I juggled Natalie's door handle just to make sure she didn't leave her room unlocked (which she is notorious for might I add hah) and it didn't budge. I called everyone that I knew that had a printer, and they either didn't answer or they weren't in Clarion. I went to the library in a last ditch effort. I don't have Eagle Dollars, which are necessary to print, copy and do other things. yeah, it costs me money to fucking print something. I don't have a printer up here, which is something that I will be bringing up after Christmas break. So i copied down what I needed on the other side of the paper and ran it over to these people. What a joke. My life is a complete joke at all times. Later, I finished my application to SRU and I sent it in along with my 30.00 application fee (which is ridiculous for me to be paying another fucking application fee since i applied ONLINE, and I'm a transfer student..fucking ridiculous).
Today I went to class and here I am. I'm trying to get on Stickydrama but for some reason the comment area is down. I tried to get on OhNoTheyDidnt! but livejournal is apparently going through "routine maitenence" or something. I'm not going home this weekend and Wedneday is Justin's 21st birthday and I don't get to be with him. He's going to drunk dial me and I'm going to forget that he's wasted and I'm going to think he's calling me because he wants to talk to me, but on the contrary, he just is drunk. Twilight comes out soon, I believe. I want to see it, but I want to read it more. Natalie is in New Castle 'til friday, then she's going home to Pittsburgh from there. She's with Allison's friend Alex, who looks a bit like Trace Cyrus, but a little chubbier. We all think he's adorable. She apparently has been talking to him for weeks and they just clicked, so now shes staying with him. Whatever makes you happy.
I'm quite frustrated with my life and with others. There are things I want but I know I will be looked at as clingy or needy if I voice them. Which is why I'm quiet. There are always people around me, but I have never felt so alone in my life.
i idolize you. i adore your voice, i would give anything to meet you. i still loved you through that slutty phase you went through (which i kinda slightly understood but eh..you're a grown woman, you can do as you please) and i still loved you through that thing you did with that Spanish language album. I even took Spanish (because I had to take a language and because my dad made me take that particular language) so I could could appreciate the album more. What I discovered was that Spanish is bullshit but you're still awesome. You are classically beautiful, I wish I could be like you. You don't give a shit what people think about you, you do things for you and you alone. You live for yourself. I really admire that. I wish i could embody that so much. You say whats on your mind and you don't give a shit. I wish I had that kind of self-assurance. You're comfortable in your own skin. Something I want more than anything.
i don't know why i felt like posting this. Christina has been my idol since i was eight years old. I'll meet you some day, i hope. My boyfriend said that I like you so much that I would defend you with my dying breath. Pretty much true.
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
you would not believe how many things are true about this, you would really not believe.
So my life is pretty boring. i went home last weekend to hang out with some friends. Then I came back to school. Then I went to class. We watched some girl 'sing' in sign language. Some annoying kid talked. He's gay but that's not why he's annoying- I don't find the gays annoying. Then i went to class and fell asleep. Then I went to class and we watched a movie on the peak oil crisis of Cuba in the eighties. I love how people at Clarion think they're fucking bad asses and leave right after the professor tells us an assignment wont be handed out that day, when he puts on a movie or when he turns his back for a minute or two. You're not hard, trust me. Also, the gay kid who I think is annoying was showing pictures of himself doing flaming shots of Bacardi 151 to the people he sits around and apparently doesn't annoy. I'm just sitting in the back of the class saying to myself "Dude...you're nothing. Please talk to my friends or me circa 2006". This kid was showing off these pictures like he was hard or something- really dude you're not.
Anyway, my life is boring. I don't do anything of interest ever. I get up, go to class, eat, go back to my room. eat, go back to my room. the process is long and arduous and it just repeats itself all over again. I don't even know who is reading this because I have no comments or footieprints. I'm going to Justin's this weekend where im going to blow all this money (basically just on food..but it's going to be REAL food :) .. not this processed crap they feed me here...and even with all that shit, i haven't lost or gained weight. where is my 'freshman 15' Clarion? I want my college tities now!
that's really all for my life. Katy Perry's is much cooler than mine. Go to her blog, she's actually adorable and I want her body so bad :( I was about 7-8 feet away from her at Warped Tour, she' so tiny.
this card spoke volumes to me. i will never express how deeply this statement runs my life. My parents had 70-40 custody of me when i was 12 years old until i was 18. that's six years. six years of arguing, being put in the middle and weekends starting at 9 AM and technically ending until i got home from school the next day. six years of anyone who entered my life eventually left. what was the point of meeting them? they were going to leave anyway. I'm actually surprised that Ive been able to be in a steady relationship for going on 3 years because of all the shit i went through with my parents. sometimes i think that maybe my parents divorce was somewhat on the calmer side, but when i think back, it really wasn't. they were in court every other day. my father badmouthed my mother every chance he got and when i told him to stop and i didn't want to hear that anymore, he told me to shut up and that i was being rude to him.
but now i dont speak to my dad. today is his birthday and did i tell him happy birthday? nope. i probably should have. but ill say it to his face once it comes out of his ass, JS.
i honestly do wonder though. I know i wouldn't have never been able to go to colleens b-day party in 8th grade (i couldn't go anyway because i was sick). I would have been teased for the clothes he would have made me wear because hes a firm believer in thrift shopping and i would have looked ghastly. I definitely wouldn't have been able to have birthday parties because he would have yelled at us to keep it quiet and my friends would never want to come over again. Semi-formal dances would have been out of the question, he wouldn't have let me get what i needed. Dating would have been completely out of the question (at least until i was 16, he told me), even though i had 'boyfriends' he didn't know about.
His girlfriend once told me that if i asked him for things he would more than likely say yes to them, but here's what you don't understand. my father controlled my brain, and to this day he still does. i still have dreams where i have to go back to his house and every time its the same thing- i feel anxious, nervous and pissed off that i have to go. i wake up so relieved. i hate dreaming about that.
