Music: Kelly Clarkson - Behind These Hazel Eyes (MV)
Mood: Crushed
Thoughts: Crizel is next to me. Oops. Keep it PG.
Chatting: No body
Food: None Drink: Water

WARNING: UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO GO THROUGH A RAGE-FILLED RANTING IN THE NEXT PARAGRAH PLEASE, FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, TURN AWAY FROM THE SCREEN AND PRESS THE BACK BUTTON

What the hell am I supposed to do now? I've waited and waited for nothing but another heartbreak. You can't seriously expect me to sit here and take all your shit. I've done nothing but hurt for you. Hurt because of you. You can go off having a blast for all I care but I'm still here. How can you be so selfish? I'm still here. I'm still here. Can't you see that? I'm still fuckin here. I'm still sitting alone every night without you. I'm still drifting away waiting for you to catch me. I was at the point of giving up on you when you finally pulled me out of the dark and into your light. What for? Just so you can shove me back deeper into the hole? Who am I to you? Why are you doing this to me? If you don't want me just say it. You can't do this to me. I have been the best that I could be for you. Please just end it with me. What the hell? What do you expect from me? I'm not perfect. I'm not perfect. You know I'm not perfect. But nobody is perfect. Why are you hating me for who I am. This is who I am. If you see the real me and you still can't love me. Then everything we have ever shared was a lie. If I'm a liar then I'd rather be a Goddamn liar than whatever you're supposed to be. Leaving me here. The person who probably cares for you more than your own mother. The person who you hurt the most in your whole life. I have loved you more than you would ever know. What kind of person does that? I have held you in my heart for the longest time only for you to fuck it over. Every happy moment we have ever shared means nothing if you never loved me. You can't say you love me because I can't feel it. I can't feel your love. There's no excuse for that. I can feel the love you give to others. The love you give to people you don't even know. I can feel that and I can feel that none of your love ever went through me. I'm not going to spend my time crying over you anymore. I've done my hurting. I've done my crying. I've done my waiting. If you're not going to have me then I'm not going to have you. I'm giving up on you since you've given up on me a long time ago. When? You want to know when? The fuckin second you stopped loving me. The second you had a doubt in my love for you. Get the fuck away from me if all you're going to do is hurt me. There is no you and me. There will never be a you and me. I'm the one walking out the door this time. Don't think about the good times because you killed it. You killed it with the knife that you used to stab my heart. What am I feeling right now? Anger. Rage. Pain. But none of this is sadness anymore. I'm done being sad. I'm done pretending. I'm done with you. That's it. It's over. I am done loving someone who looks down at me. Next time you try to talk to me --- say it to my fuckin face. Not myspace livejournal or xanga. Why am I doing it now? Coz that's the only way you'll fuckin listen to me. You don't have to look at my face so you'll say anything. Don't worry. Soon. Expect me soon.

Cahmille

Birthdays - Chelsea's birthday is coming up and I realized that tons of people are going to be buying her gifts because they love her and whatnot. Well all the gifts she'll be getting ... about 20% of them she will actually like. Not to be harsh but to be real with you all. That's probably the truth. Now, I don't want that kind of foolishness to go on in my birthday. I mean, shoot --- I don't want to get gifts that I'm going to have to pretend to like. So maybe I can create a wishlist of mine own. Hopefully I'll recieve some from the list and be slightly happy. If not $$$ would always be the best choice. Haha.

Wishlist - Now I've grown up but I still haven't stopped loving toys haha. I mean technical toys since I'm a techfreak. I love the new digital gadgets here and there. And I'm also a girl so clothes or gift certificates would be nice. So I'm going to create a list of things that I would appreciate but don't really need to have. I mean, I wouldn't want to recieve a picture frame from ROSS or something idiotic like that and pretend to be estatic about it all. Anyway my wishlist will be displayed and then explained later on. For now, I'm going hunting !

Cahmille

Music: My Chemical Romance - Helena (Music Video)
Mood: Mwahah my new trend's awesome
Thoughts: Which plane to hi jack?
Chatting: No one ... Loner I am
Food: None Drink: Water

Shopping - I went shopping with mother and brother and sisters. It was all right. It wasn't like real shopping where I spent over $300 on whatever I wanted. It was like, buying something special for this saturday. Oh yeah this sunday (tomorrow) is my little sister's birthday party. Her real birthday is on the 27th whatever day that might be.Yay? Hmm anyway I bought a new camera. Not the one I wanted but something equally as good. I think it's better, it looks better than the other one I wanted. I'll post the pic up later. I bought an outfit for saturday too so I'm all set for that.

New Trend - I'm going to start this new trend. You know how everyone listens to music while they're online? Well that's sooo lame (heh heh jay kay) !! No Okay seriously though, I'm going to start downloading music videos that I think are just off the wall awesome. (Yes I said off the wall awesome.) Erm yeah anyway, instead of having music playing I'm going to have music videos playing instead so I can watch it or something haha. I don't know. I started listening to music videos instead of regular music and now when I do jus tlisten to regular music it's so empty. Kinda. I have this wide screen on my laptop so I can have one window open and like a whole space left for something else. Awesome, huh? So far I have :

Cahmille

Music: Danko Jones - Lovercall
Mood: Wow I'm listening to this haha
Thoughts: Just holding on
Chatting: Nobody
Food: None Drink: Water

Perfect - I realized I'm going to try my best to meet the standards of the media around me. What? Why let them get the best of me? I don't know. They just did. Plus, I'd rather spend my days looking at something that I'm proud of. I mean nobody wants to be staring at their guts when they're 18 ... right? So I'm planning to just totally push myself to the limit of what everyone views as true beauty. Yeah I'm giving in but you know what? That's fine. I can care less.

Harry Potter Half Blood Prince - I'm such a harry potter dork it's not even fair. Well the day I bought it I didn't read it I just went straight to bed. Around 8am I woke up and read until 6pm when I finished the book and I've got to say. I can't wait for the next (and last) book. I also didn't know that JKR was at the effing Long Beach TownCenter @ Barnes & Nobles signing books. I'm so ticked I didn't get off my Lazy bum to see! Gaarr arrr arr.

Desired Item

Yummy. I will buy this. I guarentee it ¢¾

Beautiful People - Damn the pretty people ! I cut out beautiful girls from magazines and I'm planning to hang them around in my room. Why? Eh some motivation. I don't really know nor care. I just think they're beautiful. Which is what I want to be. Boo Yah. What's the sudden urge of being beautiful? I don't know. I want to be. Is that a crime?

Beauty comes with a price
Which is a price I am willing to pay.

Cahmille
PS : Keyds I love you so much
It's insane !

Music: Simple Plan - Untitled
Mood: Nobody is on
Thoughts: He gave me a hug and kiss ♥
Chatting: Bren
Food: None Drink: Water

Gym - Wow the gym tonight was kind of packed. For a Wed. night @ 11pm ! There was a group of hot guys that left when I arrived so I barely missed it. Hah. Um, I did 15 mintues of a stairmaster thing. Then 4 sets of 30 sit ups. And then 10 sit ups every 2 minutes. I got lazy haha. Anyway I did a little 5 minute run as well to cool off before we left. There's a lot of buff guys in the gym. My dad said, "It's because it's a gym." Yeah I drove over with my dad in my car ♥ It was fun

Hugs and Kisses - HaK my new thing ♥ Give me a hug and kiss !

Untitled - This song is nice. 'I made my mistakes. Got no where to run. The night goes on as I'm fading away. I'm sick of this life. I just want to scream. How could this happen to me?' Yeah I just wanted you all to know that um I like it? Currently addicted to LiveJournal, Myspace and Xanga. Oh dear.

Cahmille