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| Fitting InThings have begun to change for the positive in the last several weeks. See, we moved to a new city an hour away from everything/everyone we knew just over a year ago. It was the best decision for our family, as it provided a new opportunity for us --actually, lots of new opportunities such as my work (which began as an internship) and the chance to build a family home, just to name a few.
However, despite all this newness, I realized some time ago just how lonely I was living up here. The reality of that loneliness hit me one afternoon when we were at the local grocery and I saw this couple that looked exactly like a couple from our church (which is located 40 minutes from where we moved to). I was shocked to find out that not only did the couple look like people I knew, but they WERE people we knew from our church. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I ran over and hugged the wife right there in the produce section like I hadn't seen her in years (though I'd just seen her at church the Sunday prior). Even now, when I think about that day, that chance meeting, it makes me smile ---that's how lonely I've been.
But, God has really changed some things in this area of our lives lately. For example:
- Our daughter took a Super Sitter's class and passed out some fliers saying she is interested in babysitting. ---The next door neighbors hired her to sit for a couple hours about 2 weeks ago. Then, this weekend, the wife came over and asked if our daughter could baby-sit twice a week on a regular basis...she's already tallying up her pay.
- Our kids went to a VBS at a local church and our boys #3 and #4 made friends and got their phone numbers. Boy #4 (who has a hard time making friends) has already been invited to come over and play at the friend's house, who just happens to live 2 streets away in our neighborhood....mere walking distance from our front door
- The same neighbors as above hired boys #1 and #2 to mow their lawn today (and regularly) --much to their delight, they were paid well.
- I asked my supervisor if I could have an assistant to help me out during my 3x weekly group session. The woman she hired and I happen to have several things in common, such as: kids of similar/same age, we're close in age, we are bargain shoppers, Christians, and both love what we do for a living.
- My husband met a pastor of a local church and have gotten to know one another. This pastor is even going to preach one evening during the fall revival my husband is planning.
- Our other next door neighbor is the grandfatherly type. He has bikes from when his kids were younger and allows our kids to ride them whenever they want. He's even told them he will store their bikes (when they get some) since we don't have garage space, having converted it to bedroom space when we built the house.
- The other next door neighbors (with the baby) also have an older daughter, close in age to our kids. She and the kids play ball together a lot. She will also be cat-sitting for us when we go out of town later this summer.
All of those examples to show that God is easing us into our local community. I finally am feeling like I'm at home. There is a sense of community here for us now and I'm enjoying every minute of it. God is wonderful and He takes care of all our needs.
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| Es usted un sonador?Translated the title asks: "Are you a dreamer"?
I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately. You know, those pictures in our head that sometimes get shuffled aside and collect dust. Sometimes those pictures are "photo worthy" and we take them out of the secret parts of our minds and hearts and we share them for all the world to see.
It can be a scary thing (okay, nerve wracking at least) to share pictures with others (especially the world). You know how it is, people come over and they crack open those family photo albums that are sitting neatly arranged on your bookshelves. You want to open yourself up to these people; these friends, but you wonder "will they laugh", "will they notice the silly look on my face" or worse yet "will they not see the important meaning in that picture".
Every day I get closer and closer to my dream. According to the wall calendar downstairs I'm at about 32-ish days until graduation. The anxiety that I've noticed as a slight pain in the left side of my chest has been an on-again/off-again visitor as the days of being a student draw to a close. I've always been a dreamer. I've envisioned myself as a thousand different things in life (though I can't recall being a therapist as one of them until recently) and over the years, God has dusted off His photo albums and shared with me the pictures He has of me and the things He wants me to do. ---Mind you, I'm not complaining, but a little heads up would have been nice. 
As I get ready for this new stage in life, I have become anxious. I'm no longer the kid at God's side, planting myself firmly in the dirt saying "please don't make me do this, I'm too scared" (as I was prior to beginning my internship). However, I'm not quite like the "something pink" I found for my office last week at T*rget either (it's a beautiful framed work of art that says "If you are confident, you are beautiful")....I'm more "semi-confident". I wonder if that makes me "semi-beautiful??
Today, (bear with me, I promise I have a point to this) at the church fellowship dinner, hubby was telling someone that we are going to "try again" (meaning camping). Another woman sitting a few chairs down from me thought he meant "try again to have a baby". I immediately informed her to think happier thoughts as our "babies" are all almost 9 and older and that having recently lost 16 pounds I'm in no mood to gain them (plus some) back again. But, later, as we were leaving, I had that craving for a baby. I had to really give that some thought on our drive home because I don't want another baby; I want the safety of having another baby.
As a mother of infants/toddlers/preschoolers/early-elementary aged kiddos, I was in my element. Not to brag or anything, but I was good at that. I could take all my little ones to the store and not stress while shopping. Teaching them to read, write, and do basic math was my crowning moment as a "teacher". I could handle naptimes, cook meals, keep my house spotless, and do laundry without batting an eye and all while homeschooling 3 kids ages 5 and under. Those years of parenting in the "early years" were akin to my 15 minutes of fame. But, alas, those little ones grow up. And, my amazing husband encouraged me to be a "sonador". He stood by me as I went through college and urged me to continue with grad school. He bought me flowers when I didn't get an internship that I thought I wanted and again when I got one that I never thought I could get. He has taken over the kids' (now 6 of them) schooling, the laundry, the grocery shopping, the house cleaning, the bill-paying, and the dinner making so that I could continue dreaming and as I begin to see that dream grow into a reality. And, most days, I'm scared stiff about it all. Yet, despite those fears of inadequacy, I can't let go of the dreams I have for becoming a therapist. It turns out, those pictures God had in His head for me look pretty nice.
So, I have to ask "es usted un sonador"? What dreams does God have in store for you? Are you eager to fulfill them or are you like me and need a little more convincing? If dreaming were the whole part of life, then I'd have to say that I've arrived. I can dream with the best of them. It's the following through; the making the dreams a reality, that can be difficult. Take a look at what God has in store for you though and be a sonador. Let those dreams take you as far as they can and give God the credit for taking you there and for putting those special people in your life who have cheered you every step of the way.
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| Stressful WeekendThis has turned out to be a pretty stressful weekend for me. Saturday I went downstairs to have a cup of hot tea with honey in it and watch a video I checked out from the library about Albert Einstein. Well, I went downstairs --no honey. So, I had to drink my tea with a spoonful of sugar (yuck). Then I decided I would eat some raisins while watching my video --no raisins. So, I had a healthy gingerbread cookie. I turned on the DVD player and opened the video case to put in the video --no video.
That's right. No video. Our dumb library which insists on everything being "self-serve" (read: self-check-out) doesn't really mean what it says. Instead, you have to take up your (empty) video box and scan/check it out yourself, but also give them the box to put the video in!!!! How lame is that???? So, I have a box and no video. I had to watch Little House on the Prairie instead.
Saturday night, I'm upstairs on the couch reading a novel before going to bed. It was a good book and I was almost done. Hubby sits down on the couch beside me and picks up my laptop to surf the net. He puts the computer on his lap, clicks on the internet icon and the whole computer screen goes black. It just totally disappeared and would NOT reboot. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. My beloved laptop that has seen me through the last year of undergrad and all of graduate school (minus my 6 weeks left to go). I knew I shouldn't have let hubby replace the keyboard a couple weeks ago. Several of the keys were missing on it, but my computer and I were very close. We understood each other. It obviously felt like I had betrayed it by replacing the keyboard....and now it's gone.
And, my trusty laptop took with it: my final 5-page presentation that I have to give in 2 weeks for class, all my bookmarked favorites, and my trusty Spanish CD on loan from the library (though I may not give it back after the Einstein video debacle). So, I've been in mourning all day. Well, mourning and frantically working to re-create myself on the other laptop we bought off bil a few weeks ago. He had a bunch of junk on it that I spent my down time deleting today --including an ugly desktop background that I quickly changed to a starfish motif. However, when we bought the laptop off him, the screen was broken. So, I have the screen out of my old laptop barely fitted onto this "new to me" laptop while my "new to me" screen (that will fit properly) was bought off e-bay and will be shipped tomorrow.
Hubby is still hoping he'll be able to get to my hard drive and save the files from the old laptop --and in the process redeem himself for touching/breaking my computer LOL. We shall see. If he can't, I'll be re-creating my presentation.....not something I want to do.
Back to surfing the web and guessing URL links so that I can replace my list of favorites.
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| Afternoon updateI'm still adamant about learning Spanish and picked up some items at the library that might help me. I also changed my radio station in my jeep (thinking immersion here) and e-mailed an inquiry about a place that offers classes in the community. We'll see how it all turns out.
One thing I did realize today though, is that I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. For example, the Spanish, toying with the piano, and just enjoying life in general (I picked out a video at the library about Einstein --my 2nd hero). So, my #1 goal: Get more out of my 24 hours alloted to me than I ever have before. I've previously been the type to whine or moan when bored (yeah, don't tell my kids, okay?) or sleep or just never get anything done b/c of my "what can I possibly get done in 30 minutes" mentality. I'm resolved to change that as of right now.
In other news: our oldest daughter was hired for her first baby-sitting job today!! She will be at the neighbor's for 3 hours watching their almost 2 year old. She is over the moon excited. And, I'm so excited for her and proud of her.
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| The Search to Find MyselfI know the topic of "finding myself" is so cliché, but I seriously need to. I have no real hobbies --unless you count being a student a hobby. That's all I've done for the last 8 years (and no I'm not a doctor yet either) and it's about to come to an end. I have about 40 days left in school and I need to find something to do with myself. Even now, I don't have any real school work left to do. I have a presentation to give the first week in July and an exam to take, but that's all. What am I going to do with all this spare time?? When our kids go away to camp in July, I'm afraid my wonderful husband is going to want to send me with them so that he can avoid hearing me whine "I'm bored".
So, what should I do?? My one real talent is reading and typing; okay, I guess those are 2 talents. I don't care much for shopping because I don't really need anything, except something pink for my office in the fall. I know how to crochet scarves, but don't know what to do with them once I make them. And, mine don't look very creative when I'm done. I once knew how to knit and I know my stepdaughter could re-teach me really quick if I asked her, but again, what do I do with a bunch of knitted stuff??
Other things I've considered:
- Learning to belly dance
- Teaching myself Spanish (though I have yet to find an effective way to do this)
- Write a book (but I really don't have anything to say)
- Join some kind of women's club or book club
- Teaching myself to play the piano (someone recently gave us a lovely piano)
- Teaching myself to play some kind of instrument at all (I do love music and I used to play the clarinet in jr. high)
- ??????
So, does anyone have an opinion? A suggestion? I want to do something worthwhile and I want to *love* to do it. See, I've spent so much time over the years doing stuff because I had to (like homework, papers, research) that I don't know how to do something because I *love/want* to. The last thing I did like that was go to college....that was my last "big dream". Now I need a new one. I'm open to suggestions!
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