i'm back. yes. i'm back.

a lot has happened. the sat's are tomorrow. i'm tired. i'm [somewhat] content with myself.

i got a new job. flexible hours. nice people. okay pay. close to home and school. not too shabby.

i got better at driving. despite what many say about my driving, i don't suck [much].

i got what i wanted. wednesday night was awards ceremony for rotc. after a year of jittery anticipation, i'm now the battalion's executive officer. amazing. congratulations to everyone on their promotions and awards. you should be proud of yourselves. i'm totally looking forward to a great year. and to the seniors, you guys were great. i'm definitely going to miss your guidance and presence.

*must get sleep...

no words needed.

i am in utter disbelief. it's finally time for vacation. it's too bad i don't have much time to enjoy it with all the homework i have. oh well. i think i'll allow myself this much time to be lazy and xanga-crazed.

my life has been changed within a month. hard to believe, but i am so much more satisfied. i finally got a job. yes, i am paying for all i desire without delving into my parents' wallets. i am going to take my written next month, and hopefully get my provisional in the summer. i actually get ap physics. i'm trying. i'm trying to stretch myself out without tearing myself apart. i actually feel comfortable with myself for once.

today was an awesome day. the presents were sweet, but the cards and hugs were even sweeter. thanks for everything. the band/choir concert was today, and my dad actually took off of work to see my solo. i was touched. everyone did really well. congratulations to val, momo, yanie, ryan, and crystal. your solos were absolutely gorgeous. i felt good. maybe not so good after school because i felt like crap knowing that i had nobody to be with, but that was just me in bitch mode. [i'm sorry for being such a downer, ryan.] i love everybody. wow. i sound like such a stoner...

picturespicturespictures. [thanks joey.] mouseover for captions.

things i want now !

wow. i want a lot of crap. oh well. happy holidays everybody! merry christmas ! lastnote: mar wanted a shoutout. so, shoutout she gets. you're awesome fartbuddy.

school's tomorrow. homework's been just about done. if you're asking: yes, i did give up on the ap physics homework. i'm fulfilled, but not. why do i always stress myself out? maybe it's because i'm a masochist for stressing myself out. stress= orgasmic? i don't know anymore. face it. i am a workaholic.

why is it that it is everyone's nature to say that they don't care when they really do care? i wish i could stop lying to myself when i know that i do give a crap when people say things about me and i end up hearing about everything. it bothers me. why is it in my nature to want to be liked...by everyone? obviously, that's certainily not going to happen, but i just want to feel as if i have no qualms against anyone. bahhhhh, i suck.

i really do suck. i may be good at a lot of things, but i'm never the best. for once, i'd like to be the best at something and get something out of it. i think i'm going to take up gary's philosophy: see everything as a potential disappointment, so that, when the time comes, and you do get a disappointment, it won't hurt as much. pessimistic much? maybe. but at least i won't be getting my hopes up anymore.

and speaking of disappointments...i want to be rich. i'm jealous of the rich people. they get to shop and shop and shop and party and mess with really hot people. wait. correction. i'm jealous of the hot rich people. the ugly rich people just got lucky. they get laid.

i'll get through this...

back home finally. new layout. enjoy. happy belated sixteenth birthday melissa. happy almost birthday kevin.