I'm in Alabama for a month at the moment. Here on orders with the Army doing some training, and it's been good to say the least.

And you know what the number one thing that I have yet again come to see is? Well, it's the fact that I love these "sinners" in this world. I know we Christian's set the lost world apart as the "sinners" and "heathens" (and as if we are any better), and there is a difference obviously, but I love them. I've really come to realize that I actually sometimes feel the most comfortable around these people at times. These Army guys and their stories of their sexual exploits and their cussing and perverted jokes. None of things do I condone...but within them, there is this level of "realness" that I see. I've had more sincere conversations about Christ than I have ever had with most Christians that I am surrounded by in my daily life it seems. And man, it's awesome. It truly is exciting to sit with these guys and to train with them. Not just "Army" guys, but just anyone out there in this world that doesn't know Jesus Christ. Some how, God has given me this deep seated love for people that I've really just discovered, and I really can't explain where it came from.

I think since I have been here, I have had the opportunity to speak to about five or six guys. Not just the surface talk of me being a disciple of Christ...but actual in depth things. Things about the Church and our sins and our natural sin nature that pulls us every which way. Geez, there are guys here that have been involved in church when younger who've grown apart...to guys who would be considered to be in the "untouchable" class. Yet, they've all expressed this genuine interest to talk about Scripture and Jesus Christ. And it's neat cause...and the same time, I'm not afraid to be open and real to them. I'm not worried about the fact that I am a sinner too and try to hide that. I just throw that straight out there as fact number stinkin' one, that in the truth of all things and in the words of Sarah Brewington "I suck at life" lol. Which is totally true, cause without the Man upstairs, I don't know where I would be...

And these real and incredible conversations have just come out of living with these guys for 3 weeks and simply doing this one thing...being their friend. Their FRIEND. I know us men have this macho standard we have to keep, but even us hardcore Army dudes like to have friends and be shown that others care lol.

I'm reminded of a quote by Derek Webb from his live album "The House Show" (thanks to Hector). It simply states this..."the best thing that could happen to any of us is that all our worst sins would be broadcast on the 6 o'clock news, so we would be completely exposed and not be able to run back to those sins." And that's what this is with these guys. I'm an open book to them. I'm able to share the things that I have and do struggle with and by doing that...they see this stickin' incredible power of God to forgive us. To guide us...and to use us.

I know myself, I used to get caught up in the whole...jumping on other people's cases about things they are doing wrong in God's book. Not really judging...my heart was in the right place and I wanted the best for them...but I don't believe I went about things in the best manner. I see now...and yes I may be wrong and observe my views now in the coming future...that it's not my place to tell these people straight up they are wrong most of the time, God will deal with them and if I'm in that plan down the road, then so be it. I'm not taking the stance of those people who just let everything slide...but I believe we all have our place and a line we really shouldn't cross with people. I don't wanna get into all my thoughts on that, but now, I just simply...spend time with people. Build this relationship with them, of trust and genuine love. And it's the most awarding thing ever. And through that loving and friendship that God allows me to give, that's more than enough for Him to show exactly what He wants them to see. He uses me, flaws and all, as an example of what a retched person I am and how they mirror me, and then with a *BAM*, kicks them in the grill with the love factor. They see this love and forgiveness that He bestows upon me all at the same time. And when you are truly honest and humble in your walk (which I am far from), they know that the good you do and the change in your life isn't something YOU have done, but something amazing that only HE could have done. And that's when He gets a hold of their heart and either they want Him or they don't. But when they do, it's...well there isn't a word to describe it really.

You know, scripture tells us that love is one of the greatest and strongest things out there and I whole heartedly believe that. I want to love.

I've kinda been hit with the thought of a Bradley Hathaway poem that deals with this and myself in a lot of ways...and what I want to be as a man...so I'll end this with that. Night all....

"I don’t want my long hair, pretty green eyes, with ( no! I do not have on mascara. ) eyelashes, skinny figure, undersized t-shirt, hip shake too much when I walk confuse anybody. I am a manly man.

Within this sissy frame, obviously rib laden chest lies a heart that beats to the drum of a native American ritual dancing wildness. It pumps an ever cascading supply of untamedness that a herd of wild mustangs have yet to grasp. If danger lurks about, I will seek it out. If adventure abounds, there I will be found. If a damsel be in distress, I will show her who is best. I am a manly man.

Because I don’t flush, and I leave the lid up.

I drive a 1988 Ford Pick-up truck. Girls don’t break up with me, I break up with them first. ( Except the last time, it didn’t really work out like that… ) I don’t shave the hair on my face ( Because I still can’t grow facial hair yet… ) But when I can, I won’t, because beards are tough.

I fart, burp, and spit when I want, not caring who’s nearby. Disrespect my momma, and I will punch you in the eye. I am a manly man.

Or am I? I tell my guy friends that I love ‘em. And sometimes, sometimes I even hug ‘em. Not because I’m gay, but because I love ‘em. And when I watched Bambi, I cried. And when my Mema gets mad, I still run and hide.

Like David, I wanna be a man after God’s own heart. And I’m not there yet, but I’m past the start. And when people talk, I try to listen. A spirit of compassion, that’s my vision. Surely I am a manly man. I want to be loved and have love and give love.

And not just that romantic kind either. Although I am looking for that beauty. Not helpless, but wants to be rescued. The damsel in distress, man, woman, myth, true. I will fight for her, climb the highest tower for her, love her, share with her, delight in her, be her warrior, her protector. She will be my crown and I will be hers. My masculinity will be passed down and affirmed to my sons. And each of my daughters will know they are lovely, and deserving of authentic romance.

Society tells me all day long that I’ve defined manhood completely wrong. But you ask any honest man, and he will agree. You ask any honest woman, and she too will see, that I am a manly man."

-Bradley Hathaway
"Manly Man"