| Well its 12:46 in the morning and I have nothing to do; in other words I’m bored. Haven’t really been updating this thing, so since I’m not doing anything, I’ll update it.
So what have I been up to lately? Nothing really, just the same old thing (BLD, depressed, etc) you should know me by now; if not IM me asap and get to know me.
How has life been? Pretty shitty lately, but hey who cares about me; everyone seems to be preoccupied with helping someone else. I might be going to college in the PI, don’t really want to, but if I don’t have any reason to stay I’ll leave. Family has been falling apart lately, trying my best to keep it together but, there’s only so much that I can do. I don’t know what to do anymore; I’m so tired. Part of me wants to keep going, but the other half wants me to just give up – I’m torn between 2 extremes. I’m even more torn up inside. As if family wasn’t enough to bring me down; I have hundreds of unanswered questions swirling in my head: where do I belong, who are my friends, do I even belong here, do I have a purpose, why are you living, why am I alone….the questions go on and on – and they just leave me confused.
I’m not a strong person, as much as you may think not, I really am weak. I’m so weak….it’s pathetic. Only 2 things keep me alive; my family and my friends, and right now both seem to be on a downward spiral. I cry every night…did you know that? I cry myself to sleep almost every night. What am I crying for? Well I’m crying for you. I’m crying that God may keep you safe and protect you always, I’m crying because I’m begging God to give me strength just for another day. I cry because of the burden I carry, and my inability to share it with others because I don’t know who I can truly trust.
My heart feels so heavy – it feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’ve done a lot of stupid things; but I guess the worst is asking for pity from people. I’ve sunk so low. I should never have opened my heart again; in the end I was only hurt again, and now I can’t even close my heart off again, because I don’t have the strength to.
Loss seems to be the key word in my life; I’ve lost my best friend who moved to Maine, and now I don’t even talk to him much, I’ve lost my grandparents before I even had a chance to get to know them, I’ve lost direction in life, I lost friendships (friendships that I thought were truly strong).
I can’t do it anymore; I’m just so tired…I want to give up already. Nothing is real, nothing but lies, nothing but pain, I have nothing left. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around. I’m too tired to continue, and each day I grow wearier
………….am I worth anything anymore?....................... |
...IM me at BREAKENOUT2K4 and if u got a friendster look for me...hehe
