It's Christmas Break now. Thank the lord. I wouldn't have lasted another day.

It was my birthday last week. The last day of school was on Friday. THAT was a good time. Laura, Ick, Kayla and I walked down to Pizza Girls and ate and shopped (as much shopping possible around here). We walked back, and hung out in the gym with Amy, Charles, Nora, Sarah, Steph, Stephanie and Kristin. We watched the wrestling tournament, which I didn't understand for the life of me, for a while, and then Ick and Laura disapeared. Charles and I decided that we wanted to go watch the Coffee House (the talent show), so we found Laura and Ick again, and dragged them in. THEN, they disapeared again. AGAIN! Baaah! I felt so stupid. Not that I don't love Charles, but it was Megan Day Week that day *g*. Nikki was there too though, which was good. She saw my hands. Eep. The singing was quite amazing. Megan M is so amazing. I can't get over it. I wish that Caitlin would have sang though. She KNOWS that she is amazing, but shes too humble. Laura and Ick eventually came back, after a half hour of me being Ick and Laura-less. that made me sad. I felt left out and whatever, but what can you do? We did a sing-a-long with Mr Gallant (which proved to be quite amusing), and then walked around the school, and went home to my house. Kayla and Laura  came over and we walked through the woods to get a movie. Scary thoughts. IT was SOOOO dark. We watched a scary moofie too.

Laura and I went to Taryn's musical production thing yesterday afternoon. It was AMAZING. Like.. oh man. I am so proud of her =). Apparently she was deathly sick, but she didn't look it at all. She is so talented. I am envious. We went shopping downtown after the musical. I NEEED to buy presents. Its death.

Anyhoo, this are the party days coming up. Soon, I am going to see Lord of the Rings with Caitlin, Danielle, Stephco, Kristin, Nickie and... someone else. I CAN'T wait. I've been pacing around. I don't know what I will do with my life after these movies are done *g*. Tonight, Steph is having her big party. It will be quite interesting. Laura is staying the night afterwords. On Monday, Heather is having HER party, which will also be intersdting. We are having a practise Christmas party. Good times. Hopefully, I will be able to have my party sometime soon. I really want to. I need to get my wall finished, and it feels like I haven't had anyone over for ages.

I'm back from newfoundland now (duh). I got back last sunday. We came back in the middle of a snow storm. Scary ass airplane ride. Everyone looked so calm.. I feel like a freak. I was panicking the whole flight pretty much. Oh well. Whatever, I will live. Maybe.

I stayed with Whitney at a girl named Megan's house. I don't think Megan liked us much. She was realy nice though. She reminded me of Lauren. She even looks like her. Anyhoo, after we arrived on thursday, we spent some very good quality ackward silence time at Megan's house, before returning to the Roncalli gym to be beaten by a score of 92-35. Good times. The game sucked ass. Afterwords was fun though. We got screeched in to be newfies. We kissed the cod, bit the head off a cadling, drank syrup, ate tack bread and had to talk nonsense gibberish. It was fun though.

The next morning, we ended up going to school (me and whit), alone. It was boring. When everyone else came, it was fun though. Then Lib started with the killing herself jokes. I try not to be overly sensitive... but that definatly hit a few notes. I wanted to shake her. She was just kidding, and I admit, at times it was comical, but its a hard topic to constantly joke about. Its a touchy subject in my past experiences, and I didn't like it much. Anyhoo, we played another game, and lost again. That night, we went over to Kate's house (she was one of the girls on the Roncalli team). The Roncalli team came over too. It was really really fun (surprisingly). I thought it would be weird, but it felt like I'd known them for longer than I really have. Megan and Chelsea were definatly funny as hell! (they were from the Roncalli team). Amanda made a lasting impression on them too I guess. She was amusing that night. All we did was sit around and talk, all... 30 some of us. That night Whitney and I got to talk too. I didn't know her at all before, and it was weird, but now.. its not.

On Saturday, we played another game, and watched a whole crap load of games. I found it amusing, but I guess the others didn't. Pretty much everyone talked about rather dying then being there. Lib was definatly the worst again. There were a couple of us that weren't as happy about it though I think. We went to a dance that night. It was also funnish, but I find myself standing by and watching. I'm not like them. I'll never be like them. I think too much. When I look at people, I can't just look at them, make fun of them and walk away. I see too much. I can't help it. Its hard. People were partying and having a good time, while I just watched. watched and watched. I want to be like them. Why am I the way I am? Whats wrong with me? Why can't people see the real me? I look at them, and I see what I want to be. They don't try and help me fit in because they think I'm either shy, stuck up or a prep. I'm not any of those. I hate it. I wish they would help me/

Geedy children,

I am going away tomorrow... to newfoundland. I am really nervous. I haven't been sleeping well, I'm tired and cranky... and the basketball team is fighting again... cept... no one will tellme what's going on. Quite frustrating. They won't look me in the eye without looking uncomfortable. It's sad. I don't know what to do. I can't control people, but I wish they would just stop. I'm tired of cliques. I'm tired of hurting, and being hurt by other people and their cliques.

I'm just too tired to care anymore. Too tired. For love of god. I can't wait until Christmas break. You don't have to do anything. Thank the lord. We won our basketball game yesterday. It was pathetic though. This team is the worst team in the league, and we were tied with them at half time. We came back and beat them by 22, but it was ugly. Mr Stacey was yelling and shit... and I started to cry. It was pathetic, and I could hear people talking about it later... but I couldn't help it. Mr Stacey pulled me aside, and asked me what was up after the game. I wouldn't tell him. Its non of his business. I don't trust men. Anyhoo, I got 11 points. That's all. Jesus I'm tired.

Another pointless day. I was sick two nights ago. Really really sick. I seriously thought I was dying. I had some kind of.. attack. My mom thinks I had an infection in my stomach, but it seems to have gone away for now.

I am really tired. Basketball the other night was death. We lost by 10 points. I had 6 points. Lib had 22 (of course). Lord, that girl pisses me off to no end sometimes. I can't stand being so afraid of her. I know its just because she's unstable or... something. But I can't take it anymore. EVERYONE is afraid of her. She sucks the energy right out of me. I tried so hard last year... and it definatly took a tole on my energy (because you know I have SOOOO much.. note the sarcasm). She doesn't even try and fit in... or make friends ('cept for her hockey friends). She's even trying out for field hockey this year (God help me). I really do try to be open.. but its just one of those things. You know? Most people hate her because she gets all the points on our team... I dislike her because she makes me feel like shit. The end.

Ahhhhh

sorry. I just had to do that. It has actually been an eventful long weekend. On Friday, Laura and Kayla came over. I wasn't feeling well, so I kinda feel guilty since they were bored. We watched a movie (DOwn with Love *happysigh*), and then Kayla had to leave. Laura stayed for an extra hour, and we talked the WHOLE time. It was actually quite fun =).

On Saturday morning, I went down to the school (Liz happened to be passing me as I walked down towards the school, and saved me from a half hour of walking). Our school was hosting regional volleyball playoffs. I helped line and score a couple of games. Nora, Amanda, Heidi, Liz and Joe were all there. Around lunch, Nora's mom Barbara came and picked us up, and we drove into halifax to watch the SMU girls' volleyball game. It was AMAZING how well they played. I am inspired to play now. Nikki Power showed up and watched the game with us too. (she saved me from Barbara!).  It was fun.. but then again, I still wasn't feeling well. :/.

Sunday, well, I didn't do much. I slept in to about 1:30. Steph and I went for a walk.. but.. I'm still not feeling well.