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Friday, July 04, 2008

  • patriotic and unpatriotic Independance Days of my past

    I remember, as a child, celebrating Independance day in the US on furloughs. We would set off firecrackers in my cousin's yard or have a barbecue at my grandparent;s house and watch the fireworks show in Wichita. I remember feeling immensely proud at the words,

    I’d thank my lucky stars,
    to be livin here today.
    ‘ Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
    and they can’t take that away.

    And I’m proud to be an American,
    where at least I know I’m free.
    And I wont forget the men who died,
    who gave that right to me.

    And I gladly stand up,
    next to you and defend her still today.
    ‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
    God bless the USA.

    And I remember spending the 4th in Papua, where the missionaries would gather at the school and have a big potluck. Potlucks were my favorite - I always attempted to beat even the little kids to the buffet line - so much American food all in one place! I don't remember us doing anything patriotic during those potlucks. I think I was patriotic back then though. I remember recieving the book "The Light and the Glory", which is essentially Christian revisionist history, which tells the story of the US in a veryyyyy cleaned up fashion. Now I realize that the authors definitely think that America is God's chosen people, His light for the world.

    Anyways, I was happy to be an American. We Americans had a playful feud with Canadians, Brits, and Australians at our school about who was superior and who had helped who in what war. For the most part, though, I was an American and I was good with that. Somehow that changed. I was trying to pinpoint the change, and I realized that I really was pretty positive about the US all the way up until around May of 2001, and by August of 2001 I was very cynical about this country. Huh - I don't think I ever realized I made that switch so quickly.

    I think the change came when I was suddenly supposed to actually BE an American. I was coming "home". I was going to college, beginning my life in the USA. It was supposed to be my country, and that's what I suddenly reacted against it. I didn't want America to be my home. I was quite certain of where my heart was, and that was buried somewhere around the upper pondok of HIS. :) I had no desire to become a part of American society. I was very aware that I didn't fit in, that I didn't get the culture, and I never really wanted to. I ran the other way, reacting with passion. By the end of the summer I was quite sure I didn't like this country.

    I remember that summer at the reentry seminar I went to, which had a number of other kids going through the same things I was, and mostly all quite critical of the US. We were at Knotts Berry Farm (an amusement park) on the 4th of July weekend, and we stayed late to watch a lights show that was themed for the weekend. That same song that I quoted earlier came on and instead of making me feel patriotic, I was quite the opposite of what it said. "I thank my lucky stars to be livin here today?" Hardly. I would have given the world to get out. I stood with a number of the kids, singing the song in mock patriotism with all our hearts, laughing at how much we DIDN'T fit in.

    The next summer I was at a friend's church for Independence Day. Their service was completely patriotic, it nearly seemed a worship service to the flag instead of God, and I was PISSED. At a school conference that year everyone was all patriotic post 9-11, and they had the entire audience of thousands get up and pledge allegiance. I was sitting with my international friends, who were invisibly uncomfortable and didn't know if they should stand and pledge, or just not put their hands over their hearts, or what. I was so ANGRY that we would force our patriotism on an audience that we KNEW was highly international. That made me analyze the pledge itself, and decide that I wouldn't say it anymore. I  wouldn't give my allegiance to this country over any other.

    Anyways, my anger and dislike of this country was really much larger then it needed to be. I think the emotion really came from the struggle of dealing with the question of "who am I?" and feeling like I was lawfully an American but didn't fit in. I'm not as angry anymore. :) This is a good country. I am lucky to have the rights and freedom and privilege that come with being in this country. I can't say I'm particularly proud - I've seen too many arrogant or ignorant Americans and know how many other countries are great to really say that I'm particularly proud to be here instead of there. I still want to get out of here because I still feel the tension of being lawfully an American but not feeling at home. I would pretty gladly take up citizenship in a number of other countries.

    Haha... that's really not patriotic enough for most Americans, I suppose. I shouldn't ever run for office or that comment with come back and bite me in the ass. In any case, I'll be showing a fireworks show to the Burmese family this evening, and that'll be fun. I no longer dread the 4th of July. :)

    However, this song is typical of an American attitude that I highly dislike and find pretty dangerous. I heard it on the radio and was like... are you SERIOUS?? It's "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (the Angry American)" By Toby Keith

    American Girls and American Guys
    We’ll always stand up and salute
    We’ll always recognize
    When we see Old Glory Flying
    There’s a lot of men dead
    So we can sleep in peace at night
    When we lay down our head

    My daddy served in the army
    Where he lost his right eye
    But he flew a flag out in our yard
    ’til the day that he died
    He wanted my mother, and my brother, my sister and me
    To grow up and live happy
    In the land of the free.

    Now this nation that I love
    Has fallen under attack
    A mighty sucker punch came flyin in
    From somewhere in the back
    Soon as we could see clearly
    Through our big black eye
    Man, we lit up your world
    Like the 4th of July

    Hey Uncle Sam
    Put your name at the top of his list
    And the Statue of Liberty
    Started shakin her fist
    And the eagle will fly
    And its gonna be hell
    When you hear Mother Freedom
    Start ringin her bell
    It’ll feel like the whole wide world is raining down on you
    Aw brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

    Justice will be served
    And the battle will rage
    This big dog will fight
    When you rattle his cage
    You’ll be sorry that you messed with
    The U.S. of A.
    'Cause we'll put a BOOT in your ass
    It's the American way



Thursday, July 03, 2008

  • pisses me off...

    Oohhhhh I am steamed.

    While on this blog most of the people I talk to are political moderates, with a few liberals and conservatives thrown in, most of the people I actually KNOW (as in, just about all of my family and friends) are political conservatives. My sister just formed a facebook group named "This election sucks - write in Huckabee". 30 people already joined it. Other friends have been joining a "Stop Obama" group.

    So, I think that opposition to Obama is what has made me most convinced that I will support him. It's the people on the bus saying Obama is a Muslim, and people in my office saying that he's the antichrist, and a man on the train who said he wouldn't vote for a black man.... those are the things that have made me FEEL strongly about the issues, instead of just finding it an interesting thing to discuss. In any case, it's that sort of thing that recently made me decide - ok.... I really am going to vote for the guy. I'm a very indecisive person who does not easily commit to one thing... I'm the person that at restaurants doesn't decide what to order until the waitress asks me what I'll be having. I suspected that I might not decide on the election until I walked into the voting booth. But you know? It's those extreme statements from others and my defense of Obama that has made me realize that he's really the guy I'm going for. He's not perfect and I don't always agree with him but I do think that he's the best man for the job. With all due respect for John McCain, who I highly respect and do not dislike.

    So - I joined a group on facebook, "Christians for Obama". Mostly becuase I wanted my conservative circles to see that there WERE some Christians supporting Obama, in fact, one that they know! So, apparently I've made my decision. :)

    Anyways, that's not yet why I'm steamed. I was watching a cnn video clip of Obama and Michelle watching their daughters play soccer. It's adorable by the way, he gets a message and sneaks his phone out of his pocket and looks at it, and Michelle (without turning to the side to see what he's doing - I love the insight of a mother) whacks him, and he slips the phone back in his pocket and turns back to the game, laughing. Anyways, so I was watching that clip, and one of the guys I work for walked past and said, "Not that guy, don't watch that guy!"

    I said, "Who, Obama? Oh, I like Obama. I support him... proudly" (said with newfound conviction). My co-worker said, "What? How? He's a Muslim you know."

    Me: "No, that's a lie, his father was a Muslim but left when Obama was young. He went to a Muslim school for a few years in Indonesia but never practiced the religion."

    Him: "Oh no, he's a Muslim, I'll send you something to show you"

    So he quickly goes back to his desk and sends me this (see below, I've cut out half of it because it's long), which is really self-explanatory as to why I'm so steamed, it's just ridiculous. How can people BELIEVE it? Anyways, I sent him back my retort, complete with links to the research that proves most of those statements are either false or misleading. And some of what they say he's claimed... he's never claimed.

    "Obama's Not Exactlys:

     

    > 2.) Father Was A Goat Herder - NOT EXACTLY, he was a privileged, well

    > educated youth, who went on to work with the Kenyan Government.

    >

    > 3.) Father Was A Proud Freedom Fighter - NOT EXACTLY, he was part of one

    > of the most corrupt and violent governments Kenya has ever had.

    >

    > 4.) My Family Has Strong Ties To African Freedom - NOT EXACTLY, your

    > cousin Raila Odinga has created mass violence in attempting to overturn a

    > legitimate election in 2007, in Kenya. It is the first widespread violence

    > in decades. The current gove rnment is pro-American but Odinga wants to

    > overthrow it and establish Muslim Sharia law. Your half-brother, Abongo

    > Oba ma, is Odinga's follower. You interrupted your New Hampshire

    > campaigning to speak to Odinga on the phone. Check out the following link

    > for verification of that....and for more.

    > Obama's cousin Odinga in Kenya ran for president and tried to get Sharia

    > muslim law in place there. When Odinga lost the elections, his followers

    > have burned Christians' homes and then burned men, women and children

    > alive in a Christian church where they took shelter.. Obama SUPPORTED his

    > cousin before the election process here started. Google Obama and Odinga

    > and see what you get. No one wants to know the truth.

    >

    > 5.) My Grandmother Has Always Been A Christian - NOT EXACTLY, she does her

    > daily Salat prayers at 5am according to her own interviews. Not to

    > mention, Christianity wouldn't allow her to have been one of 14 wives to 1

    > man.

    >

    > 6.) My Name is African Swahili - NOT EXACTLY , your name is Arabic and

    > 'Baraka' (from which Barack came) means 'blessed' in that language.

    > Hussein is also Arabic and so is Obama.

    > Barack Hussein Obama is not half black. If elected, he would be the first

    > Arab-American President, not the first black President. Barack Hussein

    > Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother's side and 43.75% Arabic and 6.25%

    > African Negro from his father's side. While Barack Hussein Obama's father

    > was from Kenya, his father's family was mainly Arabs.. Barack Hussein

    > Obama's father was only 12.5% African Negro and 87.5% Arab (his father's

    > birth certificate even states he's Arab, not African Negro). From....and

    > for more....go to.....

    > http://www.arcadeathome.com/newsboy.phtml?Barack_Hussein_Obama_-_Arab-American,_only_6.25%25

     

    > _African

    >

    > 7.) I Never Practiced Islam - NOT EXACTLY, you practiced it daily at

    > school, where you were registered as a Muslim and kept that faith for 31

    > years, until your wife made you change, so you could run for office.

    > 4-3-08 Article "Obama was 'quite religious in islam'"  

    > http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=60559

    >

    > 8.) My School In Indonesia Was Christian - NOT EXACTLY, you were

    > registered as Muslim there and got in trouble in Koranic Studies for

    > making faces (check your own book).

    > February 28, 2008.  Kristoff from the New York Times a year ago:  Mr.

    > Obama recalled the opening lines of the Arabic call to prayer, reciting

    > them with a first-rate accent. In a remark that seemed delightfully

    > uncalculated (it'll give Alabama voters heart attacks), Mr. Obama

    > described the call to pr ayer as "one of the prettiest sounds on Earth at

    > sunset."  This is just one example of what Pamela is talking about when

    > she says "Obama's narrative is being altered, enhanced and manipulated to

    > whitewash troubling facts."

    >

    > 9.) I Was Fluent In Indonesian - NOT EXACTLY, not one teacher says you

    > could speak the language.

    >

    > 10.) Because I Lived In Indonesia, I Have More Foreign Experience - NOT

    > EXACTLY, you were there from the ages of 6 to 10, and couldn't even speak

    > the language. What did you learn, how to study the Koran and watch

    > cartoons."

    >

    >

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

  • my sister's experience of being a woman in a strict Muslim country

    Last night was our pre-arranged international family chat, and we had a really interesting talk about what it's like for my sister to live in a strict Muslim country.

    My dad told a story about the family going out to visit some public site and how they were the main attraction. Dad said he's NEVER felt so exposed before. He said all eyes were on my sister, and he tried to walk in front of her and cover her from view a little, but it didn't solve the problem. This struck me, because we were often the center of attention in Indonesia too, so I asked them how it was different. Dad said that for one thing, the culture is so stern and strict. He's a goofy guy and he said there's many times when the family is out together and he wants to do something silly (going to a mall with my father in the US always ends up with my mother being totally embarrassed and us kids loving his antics), but being unable to because it is completely unacceptable. How SAD! In Indonesia we'd try to be culturally appropriate, but we were also goofy. I can picture in my mind moments when my dad would do something silly and the crowds of Papuan or Bugis kids would erupt into giggles at the things the weird white people were doing.

    It does fit with something that struck me in "Reading Lolita in Tehran." The author talks about how funerals and public protests would draw in masses of people and become a sort of mass of emotion - weeping, singing, dancing, yelling, etc. She compared it to an American emotional youth worship service... lol. :) She said that in a society when there is no other allowed place for the expression of emotion, it all came out at these funerals. I could imagine that happening where my parents are.

    Then we talked about how my sister is treated. I asked how that was different then Indonesia, because us young foreign girls received a lot of attention there too. Cat calls were CONSTANT in public, and staring. When mom took me to the market with her, men came up to her and asked if they could marry me. Once my brother walked through town with me and at the end of it he said, "I had no idea how bad it is, how can you stand going anywhere?" Many of us girls grew hostile and would be haughty and angry to any Indonesian man because of that. Was it worse?

     My sister is going into her senior year of high school and she's beautiful - strikingly so. She's also tall, so I'm sure she sticks out that way, and when the family is all together, they get even more attention because of the many white faces. Dad says he wonders if they are especially drawn to this sister because she has dark, olive skin, dark straight hair and dark eyes.... so she doesn't look like an American to them?

    He said, though, that what is really so offensive and really difficult about it isn't just that she's given attention, it's the attitude towards all of the women. He said it's dehumanizing - they pay them attention but not as humans but as things. There is absolutely no respect there, but it's difficult to say they are disrespectful - that's what the guys in Indonesia often were when they cat-called. Respect, either given or withheld, still assumes an interaction with another person. In Indonesia I felt a bit like a hounded celebrity - people valued us too highly, in a way. My sisters say that they feel absolutely invisible as people. This is why they don't find the head covering restrictive - it is a place to hide, a veneer of safety.

    Gosh. I think that's so sad.

    My dad, in his wisdom, pointed out the other side of the coin to my sisters when they commiserated with the local women. He pointed out that it would be difficult to be a local man that chose or was taught to be different and value women. That kind of a man would still be hated and distrusted by the women, simply because of the way other men had treated them. True.

    I really hope we get to go at Christmas. I want to SEE it. It will be the first time for me to wear a head covering, though.

Monday, June 30, 2008

  • thoughts on marriage and relationships in heaven

    This is pretty random, and not at all researched or well thought through, it’s just sort of some esoteric musings I’ve been mulling over on the subject of heaven and relationships. One of the things that has always struck me about the Biblical passages about heaven is how Jesus says there will be no marriage or giving in marriage in heaven. I had a Bible teacher in high school who had a head of pure white hair and an incredibly gentle heart, and I distinctly remember him mentioning this verse and tearing up and saying that this was one thing he absolutely did not understand and could not imagine being in a perfect world and not having that marriage relationship with his wife, who he loved deeply.

     

    I kind of wondered too – why not? If marriage is this awesome reflection of the intimate relationship of the Trinity, why is it not part of heaven?

     

    But then I’ve also been thinking about how deeply valuable a soul is. I really struggle to put it into words, but I find people to be immensely valuable. I feel a sort of instinctive sense about the heart of a person that I really struggle to express(I struggle with external differences and the divisions they bring, the same as everyone does). There are moments when I feel like I’m seeing the center of a person, who they really are. Those are usually moments of very deep pain or very deep joy, and they are absolutely priceless. Seeing people like that is an incredible privilege and is also deeply intimate. To me, the actual experience of those moments connects to the story of creation and the being made “in the image of God”, and man having a soul and spirit that is eternal. That is very much a reality to me.  I tend to be very practical in most ways, but it is in those closest of interactions with people that I see most clearly that this world is not only what we SEE, that a purely naturalistic view of the world does not explain the depth of of personhood.

     

    Ah, I can’t put it into words. Actually, I best understand how I see people when I meet someone else who is the same way.

     

    I have a few friends that view people the way I do. I think it’s sort of a personality trait, probably some Myers-Briggs category or something. It’s amazing to meet those people who seem to feel like I do – even when I don’t know them well, I feel so comfortable with them because of the way they view people. I feel like I don’t have to explain myself. There is a keen sense of connection.

     

    In any case, I had a striking conversation with someone like this after my friend died recently. It was a guy who knew her and is married. He commented that he felt like he understood my friend on a heart level and connected with her and therefore deeply grieved her death, but because she was a vulnerable and beautiful girl he had simply left that sense of understanding and the potential friendship untouched in order to avoid a sense of intimacy that would be dangerous and to preserve the boundaries that a married man needs to have.

     

    I thought about his words over and over again. First of all, I have a deep respect for this guy already because of the way he views the world and people. He loves people. He processes life through the eyes of an artist and is very intuitive. I also understood exactly what he meant when he talked about the way in which he connected with Mandy. I feel that way often. Then I think it’s really wise of him put up those boundaries and to protect his marriage, and I’ve had to come to the same conclusions over the past few years.

     

    It also made me a little sad, because I know that those intimate friendships are really beautiful, in fact I think that next to marriage and family, they are the most beautiful thing in the world. I find it sad that to protect our first priority (our marriages); we have to avoid that growth of intimacy, even though it is also a beautiful thing.

     

    That’s what made me think back to the fact that there will be no marriage in heaven and think of it more positively for the first time. . I suppose I sort of had thought of it as marriage being demoted. Perhaps it’s not. Perhaps here on earth we need the exclusivity of marriage because our flawed nature makes us unable to give love freely without withdrawing it from the other people we love. Perhaps in a heavenly economy instead of demoting marriage, relationship is PROmoted because we are able to love without wounding.

     

    We will be as we really are, without our layers of emotional defenses and wounds. We will KNOW each other. That’s how we were made to be – people in relationship, modeling the Trinity. To be surrounded and knowing and being known at the deepest level without pain, rejection, or insecurity is perhaps the most beautiful image POSSIBLE to me. It is sort of just a vague idea until I think of the actual people that I know now, my friends that I am privileged to know deeply and be committed to. There are many other people that I see glimpses of and yet it’s like strangers passing in the night, glancing at each other and seeing a glimmer of each other as we really are and moving on. People I have longed to know and because of time, distance, or just propriety, I have passed by.

     

    The thought of heaven being a place of intimate relationship without the need for boundaries is pretty awesome. I don’t know. It’s still strange though. The way two-become-one in a marriage is not just sexual, it’s… well it’s indescribable. I suppose while I see how it would be really beautiful to have free emotional intimacy in a perfect world, I still can’t imagine not having some sense of exclusivity with Isaac. I suppose because I can’t think in the context of a perfect world.

     

    What I don’t get is how sexuality fits into all that. J

     

    Anyways, this is NOT a theological dogmatic point, I'm just wondering.

  • "taking some well-deserved R&R"

    So, our church has a group called Kaleidoscope that pairs volunteers with special needs kids so that the kids can be mainstreamed into the Sunday school and other programs with their volunteer. If the kid needs to be away from the crowd, we take them down to the Kaleidoscope room.

    Well, usually I work with Jake, who has autism. He's super sweet and very imaginative. Both he and the other autistic kid in his class do pretty well most of the time, but the group activities include a singing and skit time that are really rowdy and loud, and the two boys get really overstimulated and overwhelmed. That's when they start acting in ways that really draw attention to them, and we tend to pull them into the other room.

    Yesterday I was paired with a new kid who has mild autism and ADHD. The kid was a trip! He's incredibly smart. One of the first things I asked him was what school he went to, and he said, "I go to _____, but I haven't set foot in the door yet." "Oh, so you're starting a new school. What are you doing over the summer?" "Well, at the moment I'm taking some well-deserved R&R." haha!

    He, like the other two, disliked the group time. But instead of beginning to jump around and act unusually, he covered his ears and moved to the back of the room and said to me, "I just cannot understand how you find this enjoyable." Later on he'd put together a relay race and was all hot and sweaty and said, "My, I'm parched, I really should get a drink of water." I told him he had an incredibly good vocabulary, and he said, "Why thank you. I know I have an above-average intelligence."

    The flip side of that coin is that he's currently obsessed with controlling the elements. The very first thing he said to me when he took my hand and we went walking towards the sunday school room was, "I am working to gain control over the elements, like God. At the moment I can only control water, but I'm working on fire. People like me are called "Elemental masters". We communicate via ESP, so that we are aware of each other at all times. We are born with these abilities, but you don't become aware of them until after the age of 5." ooookay. And when I began a discussion of humanity's levels of control over the elements (to be fair, we do manipulate "earth" into all sorts of metallic things, and fabric, and then there's electricity, gas, etc..) in comparison to God's, he said, "Oh, I don't believe in God."

    Wow, he's in fourth grade and he's decided that already.

    Very interesting kid... very interesting.