My birthday this year was one of the best, and thanks to Young Professionals Environment Club (YPEC) as well as the Center For Initiatives and Research on Climate Adaptation (CIRCA) executives! I had been drafted, along with another club member-- Homar, as volunteer for the Roundtable Discussion which happened last April 17-19, 2008. It was in connection with the climate change adaptation that the Albay Government is spearheading, headed by no other than the green economist Governor Joey Salceda.

A day before the event, I and Homar went to the CIRCA headquarter to help sorting out the kits and everything that still needs to be double checked to ensure that nothing is missed out when the event finally happens. We packed the kits and print the documents needed to be prepared. Each kit was supposedly composed of a PNOC desk calendar, a shirt, and USB where the documentation of all the presentations of the scientists was to be compiled.

But it seems that the chores were unending, I excused myself at nine o’clock and called it a day while everyone else were still working and doing final touches for the upcoming event. I heard from Homar when he called to confirm the meeting time that he also left around 10 to rest while the others were still working.

The following day, I arrived at the CIRCA office at 7 am but surprised to find the other secretariats already there. I was provided with two shirts with CIRCA secretariat prints as well as ID. They then told me that they weren’t able to retire the day before; instead were just given 15 minutes bathe time. We started loading the kits and rushed to the nearest school and office supply to grab some ID holders. When we arrived at the convention place, I was given the task to take care of the registration.

Homar and I took the registry booth and had so much fun, although there were some mean people making rude acknowledgements. But then, the feeling went better when the scientists started coming one by one. Finally, the Secretary of Energy Angelo Reyes arrived and everything went alright.

There were also some nuisances, but overall the affair went great. I saw big people and so much media people. The catering service was also great as well as the accommodation in the convention hall of the biggest mall in Legazpi, Pacific mall. This was what I missed, the rush of blood which I always had during my college years and selling days.

The following day, my birthday, I came late in the convention and started to help Apple release kits to participants. The day was more relaxed which was graced by the presence of Senator Dick Gordon. As the Red Cross ambassador, RC people flaunt everywhere also. It was a great day, the other secretariats were too kind they made my day complete with all the greetings and loving messages they sent. Also, friends from the office also did! It was a great day! We were even due for an eat all you can event later for dinner! I missed that though.

The next day, the last day, was supposed to be a field trip to Bac-Man, a PNOC project which I also missed because I’m bound to report in the office after the two-day vacation leave I filed. Although I missed some events, it was really a great time. I loved the rush of events, the adrenaline in keeping up with the happenings, and the feeling that I was able to help the government even in a very small scale. If given the chance, I will be very happy to volunteer myself even at my especial day again—my birthday!

Times like this are the lowest points in my life.... It seems I am in a futile battle against myself.

I’m turning a year older tomorrow and I have been reflecting about what I have done and what have I become.. I do this each year, religiously. There are so many good things I can recall doing that have made fruitful by-products. But I have also done as many of the otherwise. So many have crossed me, to which I turned with wrath. But then, it could be the other way, I may have been the one who crossed against the line.

At this point, I can’t help but cry. Cry for the people I have hurt meaninglessly. Cry for the people I should have fun with to this day, but choose to alienate myself. I cry for the moments that I could have been better, but choose to stay as I am. And most importantly, I cried for the person that I could have become….my dreams…..my good intentions……my family……my friends….

But I’m not even half my life. I can still make things better. I can still be the real person I am inside. And the day after tomorrow, I’m going to start my campaign. I’m done with all my pains and heartaches. An hour of hapless cry is enough for this year. I wish people can be nice to me, life in general…but I don’t think so. Life is almost always unfair and that can never be change with all the tears I have shed in my entire life. But that’s what makes life so much more meaningful. And I’m grateful for all the hurt it caused me…I am far braver and wiser now. And whatever life throws on me, I know I can take it standing and smiling……