tripped up and landed in xanga land

hello there everyone.. I know it has been a minute. For the most part I have not been on here because my sister’s computer was acting up and it took me a while to fix it. So here I am back in the digital flesh so to speak. And as always there is a lot on my mind but much like naruto I am in my sage training phase… If you are wondering, Yes I am always training because I sincerely believe that if I am not getting better I am getting worse. It took me a while to understand that it even takes work to remain the same. And while most people are willing to say that staying the same over time proves consistency I am more of the belief that I am better off consistently improving myself.

So what have I improved since the last time we spoken with one another? I consider that a very fair question. In the physical realm I have become somewhat stronger as I have been going to the gym at work three times a week. In terms of my power, I would say that there has been marginal improvement in that area. Mental acuity, I would say that I haven’t noticed any improvements in that area, which just may mean I have gotten worse in that area. My patience has improved a decent deal. Over the last two weeks my patience has been tested and it took everything I had within me not to hurt some people despite all the rage I was feeling. I would go through the entire personal report card but I am sure you get the point. In some areas I saw some improvement in others I either remained neutral or declined. Overall evaluation I would give myself a C-.

I was going to comment about the whole CNN Black in America Report they had going on over the past couple of days but I decided not to do so. Instead, I will discuss something very close to my heart. A couple of weeks ago, my four-year-old niece really started to feel the absence of her father and asked me to be her father. I guess it was because how my older niece was talking about her father coming home from his recent tour on the water with the navy. I kind of feel sad for this particular niece because she has not seen nor heard from her father since she was one year old. All she has is a picture of him that my sister gave to her. Personally, I do not know the man’s situation and to be honest with you all I do not care to know his situation. All I know is that I begin to see my sisters’ pain manifest in my niece because they too grew up without a father figure in their lives. And while I was too young to do anything for my sisters I am old enough and wise enough to be there for my niece. In all honesty, I have the slightest idea about how to go about being a father figure but I do know about being a MAN and for her I will be the best man I know how to be.

I have to give my niece all the credit in the world. Because she did something I never seen or witnessed before in a child or an adult for that matter. She decided that she wasn’t going to wait for her biological father to show his face. So she came to me in the living room one night and flat out asked me to be her father. I am not sure where she got the idea from but I will say the idea was ingenious. Most people just tend to go without a father and grow up not understanding what it is like to be around a responsible man. I won’t get into the sociology of all that because I presume you already know most of it. I am amazed at the amount of foresight that my niece has shown and it has me wondering if my sisters had not grown up with “ I don’t need no man mentality imbued into them by my mother” would they have found male role-models or father figures and how such figures would have affected their lives.

YOU CAN COME TO ME

We both know I aint perfect

And I won’t even pretend that I try

But I am more than willing to do what needs doing

I might not even be what you desire or deserve

but you yell daddy and I am here

you tell your friends how crazy your uncle is and I am here

your mother tell you no

I am going to tell you no too

You act outside your person and I might have to get my slipper and come after you

You under perform your potential then I have failed

You do something retarded and I am going to kick and scream

Until you get ear plugs or finally understand what the hell I am screaming about

I know I am mean some times

Alright most of the time

And other times I am

Cussin and fussin

At you and your cousins

I know you wonder what you do to deserve all of this

I am just showing you that I love you

And that you can come to me…

Love always, Daddy-uncle muffin

Piece and blessings

One sunday Morning...

Just a few things...

Practice

I was reading a rehashing of Epictetus’ stoicism and some where within its pages it discusses how everything has a price(cost) associated with it. A big part of Epictetus teachings have a lot to with the whole serenity prayer where it discusses the idea of knowing what is in one’s power to control and knowing that which is not. And it is often the case that when we look at someone with envious intentions we see them for what they have without understanding the costs he or she has incurred to obtain that which we see. Most of us usually look at the end result of a thing and decide that we too should have that thing without taking into stock our own sense of values and whether those costs conflict with our values.

Extraordinary people do not leave ordinary lives. For example, there are a lot of kids and adults who want to be star athletes however they are not willing to pay the cost required to obtain such athleticism. For instance kids who participate in spelling bees rarely have time to do anything other than practice their craft. Most people who have large sums of money often spend a lot of their time building and protecting said fortune.

I guess I say all of this to say is that there will come a time in ones life that the truth informing one’s very existence will change. And when those times come we must take the time to evaluate our desires to make sure their date of use has not expired. I will never tell anyone to give up on his or her dreams but I will say there are times when our dreams are not conducive to the reality we face. It is as these moments when one must stand I to i and reconcile those very differences. And the questions you must ask yourself are very simple but hard. You must first take stock of yourself and determine your own personal values. Then there should be some serious consideration of where one should invest his or her principle. I know this sounds financial but I mean this in the most human sense possible. However, this is, all about understanding the consequences of how one decides to involve him or herself in this world. Believe me when I tell you that there is a stark difference between wanting a thing and knowing what it is that you want. If this difference is lost upon you then I would advise you to spend some time learning the distinction between the two.

Something like ants