What started out as just a little self-control exercise against my unclean habit of burning out my eyes and avoiding work for hours on end, turned into a shocking 11 day, digital electronics-free hiatus! And you know what? Was it for better or for worse? It shockingly turns out….
WORSE.
Yes, in fact, my being away from the computer for over a week made me even more aware of my surroundings, and that I was in the shittiest school in the world (by the way, did I tell you guys that some dumb prick took a crap this morning on the staircase?????? ON THE STAIRCASE???? Can they make the school even more shittier than it already is?!!)…. And I ended up procrastinating from my work even more than usual. I swear, honest to the heavens above me, that I have not lifted my finger to do a single amount of homework, or even classwork, for 2 school weeks. And I know that’s going to come with a heavy price.
And the whole time I was restraining myself form typing, I promise you all, that everyday I thought about blogging, and I wanted to blog, but I told myself that getting some rest for my eyes was for the best. Well you know what? It’s more sensible to choose my SOUL than my eyes. Because I realized, that Xanga has become a sacred part of my life, like a habitual routine to cleanse myself and rejuvenate my senses. As I type these words right now, I can feel my senses actually getting keener again, like oil being poured on rust. It’s as if something in my mind is working again!
Maybe that whole crap I spouted earlier before my hiatus about wanting to “find myself” was just a false alarm. Maybe I was just feeling stressed out from school. It’s weird, because finals are coming up, and yet it feels like school has gotten oh-so much lazier. I just felt for the past 11 days, that I was walking around my routine life in a daze, and not letting anything sink in. And finally, I let frustrations and bitterness that I could rant and forget about on my blog get to me, and one day, in PE class, I SNAPPED.
Well, not like an explosion kind of blow-off-the-mind snap. More like a slow, gathering snap, and I ended up being really crabby and bitter to a number of people who were willing to listen and try to offer consolations to my selfish ass. (Sorry, guys! I love you all!).
And by the way, I don’t even rant about half the things that frustrate me here in my new environment. It’s like once I log in, I suddenly lose 90% of my frustrations and I feel refreshed. So, believe it or not, I NEED YOU, XANGA! And just maybe, does Xanga need me? Lol. Fat chance. ^_^
So finally, I let loose the chains of my confinement that I was holding with my own hands, and once I came home, I watched some TV (coincidentally, there was nothing good on at all L ). And then I proceeded to the computer room, and was about to sit down at the desk, when I noticed something…
Err… yes, I edited the photo as best as I could, but it’s still grainy and kind of dark. But, how can you miss something so out of place especially with a big fat giant red circle around it? And bear in mind, that I took this photo at least from 4 feet away, while standing on a chair. It’s like that as one more obstacle put in my way to prevent me from reaching my precious Xanga and addictive drug also known as the INTERNET. Seriously, no matter how many times I yelled, or screamed, or prodded the laptop to move it with my brother’s pool stick (in the hopes that it might frighten the beastly lizard), it would not BUDGE. And it WAS alive.
So I finally ran out, scooped up my cat who was sleeping in THIS paper bag (her new favourite sleeping spot O.O):
And I propped her in front of the lizard, who STILL wouldn’t move. It took my cat at least half an hour before she finally realized that there was PREY in front of her, and then she went into hunting stance. Then, the lizard ran away and is now currently hiding under a nearby shelf where I can still see it, and has been inching its way out every half hour or so. Lizards are incredibly patient….. But I’m not.
Well, in any case, I’m back to blogging again from now on!!!!!!!! Joy! Joy! Joy! Rejoice! Lol.
Ooh, and my parents are back… I just heard the garage door open. (random)
So, I know that I have a lot of catching up to do because a lot of stuff really does happen in a span of almost 2 weeks, and I guess it’s always been hard for me to blog daily sometimes, because it’s hard to sort out the trivial things from the important events in one day. But so much has happened over the past 11 days, which I guess might be a little trivial, but would have filled up this blog anyway (which is why it took me a lot of restraint to not blog). And I am not going to mention any events that has occurred in the past week because I;ve decided that since I’m back, I’m going to start anew. Starting now!
There isn’t much that happened today anyway, except for the fact that I’ve started dissecting a FETAL PIG in biology class. Just what my stomach needed, thanks. The smell of alcohol was so strong that I had to get out of the classroom every few minutes. Luckily, I was not the one doing the cutting up in my group, but strangely, everyone was so happy to be slicing through petrified flesh and guts. I almost threw up twice. Well, I’m incredibly squeamish, (heck I won’t even kill ants with just my finger!!!) so yes, I’m a wuss.
We named out fetal pig, “Fabio”. Lol. And it’s a guy, yes.
So erm… while I was gone, I know there are TONS of stuff I’ve missed out on. For example, amandasbiggestfan changed her layout and it looks AWESOME. Further more, I’ve got to log in to my hotmail account after this post, and throw out a mountainload of spam and chain letters (PLEASE STOP SENDING ME CHAIN LETTERS! I’M NOT CONVINCED THAT SOME POSSESSED GIRL IS COMING AFTER ME TO EAT MY KIDNEY IF I DON’T PASS THE DUMB MAIL ON!). And I’ve got to answer the outlandish cries of my contacts whose emails are collecting dust and cobwebs. Time to chase out dustbunnies in my other accounts too… With a virtual sledgehammer.
And there’s news I need to catch up on. Man, there’s a lot you can miss in just a few days. I’m going to have a s*itload of information pouring into my head tonight. Oh screw gossip girl, that’s not it.
And I need to fill myself with online manga tonight, because my favorite manga caterer, thespectrum.net will have probably posted up more mangas and volumes…. Ugh, I’m such a geeky otaku. Lol.
So, I’m going to do all those things now, because later I have to go to my Church Youth group. Bye guys! I’ll be back tomorrow! I swear, I’m BACK…..
*many mwahhhhhhhhhhhhzz*
PS: I MISS LEXI AND KISA AND EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 JUNE IS COMING SOON, SO I'M COMING SOON!
Your musical tastes are reflective and complex. You are intellectual to the point of being cerebral.
You are very open to new experiences, and even more open to new ideas and theories. Wisdom and personal accomplishment are important to you.
You are naturally sophisticated. You are drawn to art, especially art by independent artists. You are likely to be financially well off... and not because you were born that way.
In some aspects of your life, you can be very self reliant. Making your own informed choices feels great. But you aren't as independent as you could be. When things get stressful, you sometimes run away from the hard decisions you need to make.
Like the title says, I am taking a brief respite from my blogging as well as many other various activities that involve the use of electronics. That does not mean that I'm going on a nature hike to examine the beauty of our wonderful giant hurtling ball of a blessed planet that we have been so lucky to live on, called Earth. Although, I must say that it wouldn't hurt for me to get out of the house for once, do a little EXCERCISE (*cough**snort* yeah right...) and chase squirrels on a swelteringly lovely day such as this one.
I... just... need to get some things in check with myself. Lately, I feel like I've been unable to keep control of my body, and it's been going downhill. I don't feel right, and I don't LOOK right (to myself at least). These days, I've been going home utterly exhausted, and just konking out on my unmade bed for hours at end, and I simply can't understand it. Maybe I'm not getting enough sleep (I can fit in at least 6-7 hours a night before school -- which isn't enough probably), or maybe it's got osmething to do with my environment. Or maybe it's both, but who knows?
Also, I've been relatively er... UNINSPIRED. That's the word I'm definitely looking for, but as for inspiration in exactly "what", it's hard for me to explain. I just feel like I'm running low on some sort of emotional fuel for myself, to be socially active and all smiles. I can't seem to tolerate certain situations and people as easygoing as I could a week or so ago. It's like I need to rest, and reboot myself. (Lol. I'm a computer). I can't talk to people with vigour at the moment, and I can't think straight most of the time. My days revolve mainly around constantly trying to avoid conversations (and yet life just kind of involves you with people -- actually, I should say "the world gives you people but you have to involve yourself) and I've been sleeping away most of my precious hours. But when I wake up, it doesn't seem like enough.
I just don't feel like talking to anyone outside in person at the moment. Maybe I will, because I really do love to talk, but I dont' know what to say anymore. I just don't know what to say to people who I have to reintroduce myself to. I guess it was easier for me in Malaysia, because everyone else knew me since young and exactly what I would do, and making new friends ocasionally there, was easy work. But I'm having a whole new life here in America, and it's difficult for me, because I have to make people understand me, and I still don't feel like I really belong. It's tough... And I'm having difficulty explaining right now.
And today, I was REALLY drained, for reasons that I may explain later. I alsto took some uber pictures today at church that I may be uploading soon. For now, I want to sleeeeeeep.
I don't know when I'll break this hiatus, but when I do, I promise I'll come back as boisterous as I was! (And still am -- it's just on a break). Maybe I'll even come back tomorrow, and this whole "hiatus" thingie won't be in action, but you never know. But I definitely need a break sometime this week.
I just really miss my life in Malaysia. :(
And I miss my best friend, Alexis.
Heck, I just miss everything.
Sho......... I'll just put a random photo....
Because Anakin is oh so SMEXY~~~~~ Before he got burnt up and had to suit up in his Darth Vader breathes-heavily-behind-you outfit. Revenge of the Sith is AWESOME. I LOVE STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *geek moment galore*
I wanna do a movie night with my best buddies. Or maybe by myself. There's a lot of movie watching I need to catch up on. Like, "Sweeney Todd", "Spiderman 3", "Shrek 3", "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End", "Iron man", "Mad Detective", "Enchanted", "The Host" etc. etc. etc. I just don't know when I'll EVER find the time. Maybe during the Summer Holiday. That means my list will grow with every passing month. And I'm going to burn my eyes out obviously. My eye doctor is going to cry when I get back. Hehe....
Well... I need to "find myself". And once again, i'm not going on a nature hunt. I'm not going to go "Into the wild", to search for my inner being and soul.
Well, I'm obviously going to put up some good music, since I might not be blogging for a while, right? So let me pick something out from my youtube favourites.....
Alright, so maybe it's time that I put up some "American music" as I call it. You guys remember who "Blue" is, right? Remember that 4-man group that sang "All Rise" and "U make Me Wanna", and had girls screaming all over for them a few years back? Well, I always thought they were okay, but there was ONE song which they sang, which is my favourite by them, and also, it happens to be one of my most favourite American songs.
What a pity that they disappeared off of the face of the Earth. And their solo acts aren't exactly outstanding. But I still think that Lee Ryan is kind of cute ^_^
So here's a video of an AMAZING live performance they gave of my favourite song by them, "Breathe Easy", live in Wembley. It's GREAT. It just takes your breath away.
Now before I begin, I have to apologize for having not blogged for DAYS, and during that period of guilt, I had strongly meant to blog, but I was REALLY exhausted. REALLLLY exhausted. I’ll catch up on what occurred during the few days of silence, after I finish with the theme of TODAY’S interesting topic, of which crossed my mind.
I had my cello lesson today, with my teacher, Grace. Somehow as we were talking after I reviewed my scales, we somehow got to a conversation that was rather… well… enlightening. Today, I have realized that lately in my orchestra classes at school, I am being trampled and walked over like a used doormat. And that somebody who is doing the walking over, should not be allowed to do so.
Let’s see… there are very few cellos in my class, and I am one out of two cellists in the freshmen class. I am a freshman, and the other girl is a Junior. In the sophomore class, there are at least 3 cellists, and there is one out of all of them, who is REALLY quite good, and his name is Sean. He is also the only boy cellist out of both classes. Now here’s the thing… We did a chair test which includes all of the freshmen class with the sophomore class, and I was placed second out of both classes. Sean was placed first, and I’m not sure if he deserves it, but I have to say he is a good cellist.
But then…. He’s also a major arrogant JERK about it. Or at least that’s what I’ve realized.
Throughout all our rehearsals and even our concert performances, I was supposed to sit in the second chair at the front, next to Sean as his stand partner, but for some reason, I was always somehow pushed to the back at the end of the cellos. Why? I’m not quite sure myself, but somehow, it always ends with some other cello who got lower in the chair test, who ends up sitting in the second seat, and Sean always happens to “invite” those intruders. And my orchestra teacher, gives me a disappointed look when she sees that I’m not sitting where I’m supposed to be, but she doesn’t do anything about it.
Because Sean is a suck up for her. He always has something to say during rehearsals, and gives in input, and he acts like he’s the concertmaster. When I sit behind him, he sounds very good actually… but he’s always flirting with the girl next to him, or the violist who’s a cheerleader, when nobody else is sitting next to him. At our last rehearsal last Thursday, Sean and I were the only two cellists there, because the others couldn’t come for unknown reasons. I was going to sit in my ‘rightful” chair, when I noticed that a violist was sitting there. Now I am a shy person when it comes to some people, so I decided to sit behind Sean and the girl until we started to play. And Sean seemed like he was pretending that he was the only cellist there. When my orchestra teacher told me to move up and sit next to him at the front row, he got all quiet and was really…. How to say… “cold”? “Brush-off”? Sort of…
He didn’t talk to me, or didn’t say anything about the pieces, and when we played, he acted as if he was a soloist. During our div. sessions, he played SUPER loudly, and I couldn’t even hear myself, even though it’s supposed to be based on teamwork, and he acted as if I wasn’t there. And he always plays fast, as if it’s not a full orchestra piece, but a concerto, or a solo piece for himself. And he ends up speeding everyone else up so we end up faster than we should, because he plays so loud. And because he was trying so hard, he made lots of mistakes.
My teacher explained these strange behaviors to me: “He feels threatened by you, because there’s someone who may be better than him” is what Grace said to me. I’m a little skeptical, because I know I have a long way to go. His vibrato is steadier and wider than mine, and he makes a good tone, but then again, I guess I’m playing pretty well. Him and I are the only cellists in the class that’s considered “Allstate” material. And there was a part during that rehearsal which my orchestra teacher asked just Sean and me to go over and play for the rest of the class, and after we finished, someone said, “You guys sound really good”. And Sean looked uncomfortable.
My orchestra is also playing “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin, and Sean is playing guitar for us, so that day, I was the only cello that was playing while he played guitar. And I happened to play it quite well…. Sean seemed really cold. He IS cold to me. It’s not like I want him to all talkative to me, but it would be nicer if he was friendlier. And also, if I earned that seat area, then I deserve to sit there. It’s not a place where his “guests” can sit and chat to him so he can show off his skills to them.
My dad said “He’s being immature”.
Well, I guess he’s got superiority issues, because he acts like he’s the king over minions, and he feels glad that the other cellists have much to catch up on. I am the only one in the group who could pretty much be his match I guess. And I shouldn’t let him intimidate me. Rather, I’m intimidating him, and I won’t let him get to me! Because I won’t deny the fact that he’s a good cellist, but there are times when he’s pushing it too far. Orchestra is also based on teamwork. It’s not a one man group.
Well, now that I’ve got that off y chest, the next rehearsal we have, I’m sitting in my chair, whether he wants it or not. It’s not for him to decide!
Okay so now, I think it’s time I give a recap on what I’ve been doing, for those of you who demand my whereabouts and why I have neglected this blog for so long. There’s something about my life these days, that makes me feel kind of… tired. I’m constantly exhausted and I can take naps that last for hours in the afternoon until evening. I feel like I need some refreshment. And at the same time, I’m homesick for Malaysia and my best fwend in the whole wide world, Alexis. I really need something…. To rejuvenate myself!
My time management is also spiraling out of control. I haven’t had a regular meal at the proper time for a looong time, and I haven’t had enough sleep for weeks. Sometimes, I even forget to shower or that I haven’t drunk any water for over 12 hours. And I don’t realize I’m thirsty until ages later. I don’t know when my body started getting so out of whack and out of my control. I need to lose weight, and my metabolism was never this ineffective. When did this start? Ever since I moved here… hmm… suspicious, no?
But anyways, I’ve been out at various friends’ houses for the past 2 days, sometimes for the whole day, hence my crazed schedule. I had fun, I guess, but I’m losing my steam when it comes to communication. It’s great to hang out with people, but occasionally, you just need some space, to take some time, recuperate, and get back in the game with a smile on your face , and a whole book of things to say. I’m running out of that energy, and I really need, just some time to relax by myself. But holidays don’t come every day, so I have to make the best out of whatever limited time I have.
Now er… I guess it’s time I signed off, and get some much need rest.
By the way, before I begin, can I just say that Anakin is pretty darn badass? *droooooools* LOL.
MWAHAHA. Izzy is using Microsoft Word to type this post, so no force on Earth could stop me now from losing this awesome piece of work for my lovely beloved Xanga. Except for…. Er… a power failure, or I end up doing something incredibly beyond STUPID like accidentally press the little X in the corner and say no when they ask me to save. (I’ve actually done that a couple of times before, but that’s my absent-minded self for you). Unfortunately, I cannot change the fact that yesterday I lost an amazing post that took me at least an HOUR AND A HALF to compose, and pore over and it even had NO typos whatsoever (my Xanga weblog thingie doesn’t have the spellchecker thing at hand for moi L) and I swear, it was almost done, and all I had to do was put in the youtube video of the day (which was going to be a Cantonese song by Joey Yung) then I could press POST…
Well, you obviously know what I got pissed about…. But in any case, I am using Microsoft Word. HAH! Take that, Internet Explorer! If it happens again, I just might actually break something………
Now, about that amazing post? No, I am not going to rewrite it, because for someone as birdbrained as I am, I sadly, cannot remember even a basic outline of what I wrote, and what I was planning to write. I can tell you however, that it was based on the title of “FATAL SCOPE: PART 2! – THE SCUD OF HORROR!”. Simply put, my biology teacher had left the jar of algae in the classroom over the weekend, and yesterday we examined it again. I cannot re-describe the GRUESOMENESS of which I witnessed that day, but I can tell you that over that eventful weekend, things in that jar, well…. EVOLVED. You didn’t even need a microscope to see things.
But enough about SCIENCE (this is what I think of your science --- *squishes textbook*!!!), it’s TUESDAY! And it’s not just Tuesday, but the Tuesday of a short week ( Friday has been called a day off for reasons unbeknownst to me). I plan to procrastinate as much as possible, and I can say that the teachers have been getting pretty LAZY recently. Hahaha…. That shall be easily taken advantage of by my lazy ass.
Tomorrow, however, I have heard rumors of an upcoming pep rally. What is a pep rally, my Malaysian friends ask? Well, I’m actually not quite sure myself. When I first got here, I was bewildered at the action that went on at the first one I attended --- er… was dragged into. It’s not something for just a certain group in the school. Oh no, the whole SCHOOL must be involved in it. And it’s not like they have a choice. It’s absolutely compulsory for the entire student body to be dragged into this pointless event simply to watch an awkward ceremony for a certain sports team.
In my opinion, it’s completely selfish, because it is only related to sports, and does every single person in the school REALLY care about the tennis team? Sure, there are supporters, but why spend so much elaborate time preparing for a totally YAWWWWWWWN event that nobody except for school tennis team supporters really care about? Some people tell me to suck it up, because at least we get to get out of class early. But honestly, I’d actually like to get out of class for a GOOD reason. Not to be dragged along with the crowd of 2000 some students into a crowded field to watch the obnoxious cheerleaders do a repetitive routine of shaking and jumping on the spot for an entire hour, while the jocks walk out one by one. Meanwhile, I will probably be sitting on the bleachers, writing fanfictions in my notebook, like the nerdy otaku that I am, while being pummeled by a crowd. Also, the marching band plays the SAME STUPID SHORT SONGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And they have played it at every pep rally, and form what I heard from the band teacher himself, the SAME SONGS THEY HAVE PLAYED FOR 5 YEARS.
Do I want to go to a pep rally? No. It’s pointless, and boring and half the time, I don’t’ even realize that’s going on. It’s not even like a show. It’s just… there. But at a school such as this one, it’s not exactly easy to stir up some team spirit…..
Anyway, I’m sick of ranting, so now I’ll do some RAMBLING… Is there a difference? Funny, I’ve always thought that “rambling” is positive, and “ranting” is negative…. Well, as I have mentioned before, my Mum somehow manages to fish out little treasures amongst the piles of hand-me-downs and antiques in yard sales. She’s got a great eye for those things, unlike me, who picks out the first piece of junk that I see without further examining it. It’s like she’s got an invisible magnet that automatically lets the good stuff gravitate towards her, for a killer price.
And she actually remembered my selfish lamentations for an antique set of dolls, because I have a penchant for those type of things. (Call me strange, would you?). She bought me one already, for those of you who remember my previous post a few weeks ago, about my newly acquired Lady Magdalia…. And now……… Something else has joined the ranks of my little shelf…..
MEET LITTLE MIKO and her PANDA, PO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKO AND PO! WHEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!1 I LOVE YOU, MUM!!!!!!!!1 (by the way, for those of you wonder why I always write “Mum” instead of “Mom”, it’s because I’m kind of used to it, having attended a British system school for 9 years of my life. Sometimes, in math class, I even write the British pound sign instead of the dollar sign…).
ISN’T IT CUTE?????!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s very well made too, and I wuv it wuv it wuv it! It now stands in an honorable place on my shelf above my dressing table…. Go Miko! Go Po! (Lol. =p “Go Po”)
Um…. I know I have a weird habit of giving people names of my own choice, because either I keep forgetting their name, or because I think the name they already have doesn’t suit them. So I renamed everyone in my church youth group…. And a few people in my school… And I guess it’s kind of sticking. ^_^ I usually go by a gut feeling, and the first name that pops in my mind, and I quickly see if the name suits the person’s appearance. Or I usually sift through a few names on a mental list that I think suit the person very well. Hence, I have named the guy in my church youth group, who’s real name is Jay, but I have renamed him Simone. Simply because I think he is a girl in disguise. What can I say? He likes the Chinese pop boyband, Fahrenheit as much as I do (without the swooning), and he’s got cute Naruto keychains hanging from his handphone. A total gal~ *huggles* SHO SHWEEEEEEEEEEEET. XD
Okay, now you all know my weird habit of naming things, and I’m running out of stuff to talk about, and it’s getting late too…. So I guess that means that I’m going to end this post now.
HAH, INTERNET EXPLORER. =P
Nightynight~
PS: ANAKIN ROCKS MY SOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.O
You're often more tired than you'd like, and you're probably not getting enough quality sleep. Sleeping a little more could make you a lot more energetic and happy. Try having a bedtime, keep your bedroom cool, and only eat fruit before bed.
Izzy is not blogging tonight. More accurately to say, Izzy is not going to write a proper blog post tonight. Izzy is referring to herself in third-person because nobody else will pity her on this situation.
STUPID RETARDED INTERNET RESTARTED AND I LOST AN AMAZING LENGTHY BLOG POST THAT I WAS WRITING AND COULDN'T SAVE IN TIME.
So now, there is no proper blog post for tonight. F*CK#&()N)(@YWDN@)B)@YB NFCHKJDH)_*!!!!!!!!
