Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

i still love you

my pictures are so big. i cant even be bothered to arrange them properly. sigh, afterall, this is just a blog to rant, to throw my tantrums, to let my true emotions out.

despite saying so many things in my previous entry, despite being so tired of everything, i still find it so hard to let it, let him go. its been so long and im still so caught up with my emotions. just that now, im keeping it more and im hiding it and im trying to be strong. im trying to walk again but its so hard because every place, everything reminds me of him. ive been pretending to be strong, keeping my mind off things, trying to get my life back. but each step i take alone, i feel like its even harder to take the next step. because i know each step i take means walking away from him. and im not prepared to do any of that. till now, no matter how crappy he handled the rs, i still want him. i still miss him. i still need him.

why is it so hard for me and so easy on him? is love supposed to be this way? because its draining me out bit by bit. every energy i manage to consolidate, i find myself losing it to missing him. yet there's no way to just shut him out and not miss him at all. i thought going out, keeping my mind off him will do me good. yes it does, but when the night comes and everyone's gone, here i am right where i started. still sitting on the fence not knowing where to go. and the worse thing is i dont wanna walk away from the fence, i dont wanna lose any chance of not being able to patch things up with him.

i ask myself so many times, was i that bad a girlfriend? so bad that he cant even bring himself to give it another shot? did i really tire him out this much? what did i do ? what should i do now? what can i do? so many questions but no one to answer them for me. i'm lost, everything feels incomplete for me. it seems so easy for him to just swallow it all down and take it in, has he ever found time to miss me?

i'm getting tired. tired just looking for answers when i know the only one who can answer them is him. but he himself doesnt want to be questioned because he doesnt even seem to know the right answers.

if love was made this way, i dont wanna fall in love again.
i'm in pain, can you feel it?

PERTH!!!! :D

Today onwards,

I AM SO DONE

So done with wishing you were still here, so done with making you happy at the expense of my emotions, so done with doing whatever you want me to do, so done with crying, so done with running away, so done with hoping, so done with thinking so positively of you, so done with expecting something from you, so done with living life around you, so done with blaming myself, so done with regreting, so done with the relationship, so done with loving you, so done with you.

I'm so sick and tired of feeling upset and remorseful. Everyday i just keep feeling upset that you're gone, but what for when you dont even give a fucking shit about me and the way I FEEL. When i was in perth and i was going through all that shit, did you even ask, 'how are you'? HAHA, no. Well, honestly, you werent a bad boyfriend at all and i enjoyed every moment spent with you. But you're a really bad EX boyfriend. Maybe its just that different ppl handle things differently. However, when it comes down to love, it's all pretty obvious who loved who more, or who was willing to put EVERYTHING aside for the other. It's really a pity how things could turn out like that and i bet you never knew how i was truly feeling. And the only reason why you dont know is because, you DONT CARE, even thou you claim you do countless times. OK, i'm done bitching here. See, he even got me tired of bitching about him. GOSH, FUCK ALL THIS SHIT I JUST TYPED. ( yes very angry now )