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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

  • Twitter And Your One Sentence Story

    What Twitter would look like during a zombie outbreak ...


    I have a tendency to update my Facebook status because A) Most of my friends live in another state and B) I'm pretty sure they want to know if I'm still alive. So, I say a little thing of what I'm thinking or what I intend to do that day. And although I told myself that I would not update my Xanga pulse (I thought it was funny how it read, "Tina Hawt has no pulse") I gave in and started posting things that I thought Xangans should know or would be amused by. Facebook and Xanga are the only sites where I do updates.

    I do have a Twitter. I think I used it once. Maybe it's just me, but I find it strange that a site is completely dedicated to what Xanga pulse is intended to do. I have one friend there who uses Twitter and when I read his updates, a thought in my head goes "And ..." In fact, that thought occurs often when people leave vague messages in their updates with no elaboration.

    I think that's the blogger in me. As a blogger, I can't write how I'm feeling or doing with a 140 character limit. If I intend to really update you, I'm going to make a story riddled with graphic details, light musings, and culture references. To me, a 140 character limit is too limiting, to say the least.

    Or is it?

    There's a site called One Sentence where writers tell their story in a brief statement. The idea is intriguing because the writer doesn't elaborate on anything but what they say says everything that could be said in a couple of words. Hemingway did this in his six word story claimed to be one of his favorite written pieces ever. I wonder if Xangan bloggers, in all of their detail glory, can do the same.

    So, here's the challenge: Write one sentence that you feel tells your story. If you don't think you can, let me know why.

    And if you're curious, here's my story...

    As I sat in traffic, late for work again, I realized that my life was like a Bill Murray movie.



    PS: This is Hemingway's six word story: For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

Monday, July 07, 2008

  • To Clarify:

    Wow, there's nothing better than coming home to a featured post. I really appreciate that kind of shit. Thanks to the Xanga team for the consideration.

    I've read through most of the comments to my blog and I'm really thankful for the additional advice you guys have given me. Like I said in my pulse, please feel free to leave corrections and more advice (in a friendly tone, homie) as I'm still learning and getting the hang of things.

    There is something I would like to point out, though. To clarify, I want to go back to what I said about college degrees:

    "    I've been told not to major in art and design, philosophy, and business if you don't know what you want to major in."

    It seems as though a lot of people skipped that last part and I just want to say that if you know what you want to do or know what your passion is, then do it. That point was made for people like me who are confused about what they're passionate about. Personally, I love everything ... temporarily. One minute I have a passion for movies the next minute I have a passion for fruit juice. It all varies year to year. These were majors I was told to avoid in my quest to find a study that would suit me. If these majors suit you, then by all means, go for it. Who the hell am I, anyway? Your mother?

    Secondly, I would also like to refute a comment implying that I think life is about college. I never said that and trust me, I am far from one of those people who think that you are better off dead if you fail an exam. If you think life is about college, I can assure you that college is just a very interesting footnote in your lifetime. I still believe it's a useful tool, but one tool doesn't build a lifetime.

    Look, nobody knows how to live your life for you.

    These were just suggestions relayed to me by very smart and confident women who've been looking out for me for the past couple of years. It just hit me one day that there are a lot of women out there who didn't get this kind of stuff handed down to them. I just thought it'd be nice for once if we looked out for each other instead of mindlessly backstabbing one another.

    Just a thought.

    Love,
    Tina Hawt

Sunday, July 06, 2008

  • Rap Video Recipe

    Rap Video Recipe
    By Tina Hawt

    Ingredients:
    1 Male
    20 of his friends
    300 bitches and ho's
    Articles of baggy, over priced clothing
    Bling
    Lots of cars
    Lots of alcohol

    First, place male in extremely modern, chic dance club. If a dance club is unavailable to you, you can also use an extremely modern, chic mansion and/or an extremely modern, chic strip club. Add articles of baggy, over priced clothing and bling onto male. Mix well for five minutes as he checks himself out in front of the camera.

    Next, add friends. If you're confused over what kind of friends to use, I would suggest looking for those with guns, those with bling in their teeth, and/or those who dress and act like the leading male. Proceed to put lots of alcohol in friends' hands and wait for another five minutes until they get crunk.

    Every once in a while, place friends and leading male in cars. Cars should be accomodating to a rapper's taste including lots of shiney and pretty stuff but not so shiney and pretty that they look gay. Furthermore, allow numerous head bobbing and chain pulling throughout the video.

    After leading male and friends show off bling and baggy, overpriced clothing, bring in the bitches and ho's. Bitches and ho's should be confident women who have enough self esteem to dress in trampy clothing, shake their asses at a scientifically impossible speed, cup their boobs, and do deplorable acts on film for the acceptance of a group of men who earned their income by rhyming "gun" with "fun". As an additional treat, one should note that stripper poles really makes a woman feel proud about herself.

    Of the 300 bitches and ho's shaking their asses at a scientifically impossible speed, find one bitch/ho who will be the attraction for the leading male. This bitch/ho should be the kind of girl that does these sort of videos "to pay for her tuition." She should also have an enormous ass.

    Have leading male notice enormously-assed leading bitch/ho, but play it cool. When he has her attention, have him swing over and give her a rapper's nod, the kind of nod that says, "Hey, it's time we get romantic and fuck." Enormously-assed leading bitch/ho will proceed to get very horny and bring leading male to the men's bathroom to do the deed. If the setting is in a modern, chic mansion, have them do the deed in the bedroom. If the setting is in a modern, chic strip club, have them do the deed in his shiney and pretty, but not gay car. Either way, there must be a sex scene that shows the leading male's incredible, heroic ability to fornicate.

    Show more scenes with alcohol

    Show more scenes with bitches and ho's.

    Show dancing.

    Then, show some more sex scenes.

    Fade to black.


Friday, July 04, 2008

  • Method Acting In Movies

    If I were to get back into acting, I would love to take part in method acting. Method acting is a technique used by actors to convey real emotions that their characters would be expected to display. Instead of imagining what the character would say or do, the actor feels his or her emotions genuinely under conditions that would conjure up those feelings. Sometimes, in order to do this, a director will refrain from warning an actor of an upcoming scene to get the best reaction on camera or on stage.

    Here's a list of some cool movie moments where method acting is used.



    Warning! I'm not sure if relaying all of these points will become a spoiler for any movie you were planning on renting, so proceed with caution.



    A classic example is the scene in Aliens where the chestbuster erupts from John Hurt's chest at dinner. The actors (apart from Hurt) had no idea what was about to happen; the scene had been explained to them, but they had not been told specifics. For example, Veronica Cartwright did not expect to be sprayed with blood. This is confirmed on the Collector's Edition release of the DVD.

    The actors in The Blair Witch Project were given no more than a 35-page outline of the mythology behind the plot before shooting began. All lines were improvised, and nearly all the events in the film were unknown to the three actors beforehand, and were often on-camera surprises to them all.

    In The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe:
    • Georgie Henley and Skandar Keynes, the actors playing Lucy and Edmund, had never seen the snowbound set until they walked onto it on camera. Their awe-struck reactions were authentic.
    • Similarly, Georgie Henley (Lucy) had never seen James McAvoy in his Mr. Tumnus costume before shooting their scenes together.
    • In a more subtle example, director Andrew Adamson shot the film in primarily chronological order. He did this in order to naturally create a sense of mature development from his young actors, which mirrored their real-life development.

    Star Wars: The shooting script for The Empire Strikes Back had Darth Vader declare, "No, Obi-Wan killed your father", and it was this line that David Prowse read while acting out the scene. Just before the cameras rolled, however, George Lucas whispered the real line into Mark Hamill's ear. This was probably less about enforced method acting than about avoiding leaks of the real plot.

    According to the commentary track on the DVD release of the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory none of the cast, child or adult, was allowed to see or even know about the "candy gardens" room until the filming -- the wonder and amazement on their faces at the moment the door opens is genuine.
    • In the documentary on the same disc, Gene Wilder (Willy Wonka) admits he did not tell Peter Ostrum (Charlie) just how furious he would be when he declared Charlie had violated the contract and thus wouldn't win the lifetime supply of chocolate ("You get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!"). Since it was key that Charlie be shocked, Wilder didn't unleash the character's rage until the cameras rolled in order to get the most natural reaction possible.

    Used in the second Pirates of the Caribbean film, where all the characters were told that the reveal at the end was that of Anamaria, a minor character from the first film. The looks of shock as Barbossa appears are genuine.


    The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, unintentionally: Aragorn and company come across the battlefield where the Riders of Rohan slaughtered the Uruk-Hai that had kidnapped Merry and Pippin, with the two hobbits apparently ending up as collateral damage. Enraged, Aragorn kicks an Uruk-Hai helmet, and collapses to the ground with an agonized cry. The sheer level of pain in that cry, and the realistic way that he collapsed, were mostly due to him breaking a toe when kicking the helmet, however.

    In Transformers, one scene had Shia LaBeouf's character clinging to the side of a building while above him are the spinning blades of a helicopter with explosions all around him. As admitted by the actor, the fear he expresses is genuine as the copter was real.

     In E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, director Steven Spielberg didn't allow the child actors to see the E.T. puppet until their scenes were filmed. Thus, their screams are genuine. Additionally, the scenes were filmed chronologically, so that by the end, their tears during E.T.'s departure were part of a sincere sadness that the shooting was over.

    At the beginning of Apocalypse Now, the character of Willard is in his hotel room drunk. He smashes his hand through a mirror and doubles over in bloody agony. This was NOT a scripted scene. Martin Sheen, the actor playing Willard, really was drunk while filming and he really did spontaneously put his hand through a mirror in a fit of rage. (He also reportedly tried to attack the director, Francis Ford Coppola, but that part of the scene didn't make it on screen, for obvious reasons.)

    How could we get this far without bringing up Die Hard? Alan Rickman was told that he was going to be let go on a count of three. They dropped him on "two," and the look of panic on his face is definitely not acted; one is not surprised to learn that he was extremely angry after that day's shooting was over.

    There is a scene in Fight Club where Tyler and the narrator are drunk and hitting golf balls. Brad Pitt and Edward Norton both got drunk before filming (and the golf balls were aimed at the off-camera catering truck).

    When directing Shirley Temple, ruthless Western director John Ford needed her to cry. So he asked the stage manager to inform her that her dog had been killed by a car, right before flipping on the cameras. What is captured on film is one of the best moments of Miss Temple's career.

    The actor who plays Woltz in The Godfather was told to expect to find sandbags at the foot of his bed. In the mean time, a horse had died at a local racetrack, so they cut up the corpse and put it in the bed. Without telling the actor. When he pulls the sheet back and sees the real horse's head, his screams of shock are not acting.


    Facts taken from: Enforced Method Acting


Wednesday, July 02, 2008

  • The Stanford Prison Experiment

    Here's a free lesson for the day: People in the 70's were doing some crazy fucking experiments on each other. One in particular by the name of Phillip Zimbardo got a little caught up in his experiment. In 1971, Zimbardo and his team conducted a study to test the psychological effects of entering prison life. This project has come to be known as, The Stanford Prison Experiment. Twenty-four students were paid $15 a day to act as either a mock prisoner or a mock prison guard -- depending on which role they were given. .

    At first, prisoners and guards alike were adjusting to their roles trying to see where their identity fit into the experiment. After a prison riot occurred     just 24 hours upon participation, however, things started to go down hill very quickly. Guards, untrained and free to do what they felt was maintaining law and order, began to use physical and psychological tactics to impose rule over the prisoners. The prisoners began to lose solidarity among each other, replacing it with distrust for one another. Many of the prisoners began to emotionally and psychologically break apart as guards lost themselves as well to sadistic behavior. Even Zimbardo himself forgot that this was an experiment and lost his purpose for the study. Finally, out of the fifty outsiders who witnessed this experiment (Including the prisoner's families, colleagues, etc.) only ONE person questioned the moral ethic behind the experiment. It was only then did Zimbardo end his project. It lasted six days.




    Here are three points implied by the experiment that disturbs me:

    1. That a human being could willing internalize prisoner mentality.

    2. That a human being could willing participate in sadistic behavior.

    3. That only one human being out of fifty could stand up for them all.




    So, I have a few questions for you and I'm interested in your responses:

    Question #1: Was there ever a time where you felt like you had no choice? Why did you feel you were limited? What was the worst possible thing that could have happened if you acted on your own free will?

    Question #2: This was a question asked by Zimbardo himself: Does humanity win over evil or does evil triumph?

    and Question #3: What is the foundation of apathy?




    Okay guys, Lets grab some milk and cookies and get philosophical here.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

  • Ghost Versus Psycho

    So, something weird just happened. Not the first "weird thing that just happened" to me before, but let me explain. I woke up early in the morning due to a circumstance of a phone call I had to make and decided to just stay awake since I couldn't go back to sleep. While I was surfing my Xanga subscriptions, I heard a noise. It sounded like someone was walking through the tall weeds we have outside of our house. Then I heard a baby laughing. Then I heard more shuffling.

    The first thing I thought was, "Okay. Check feelings -- Scared shitless. First illogical reasoning for unusual sounds -- It's a ghost." And this lead to an internal argument of whether or not ghosts existed as that would imply the actuality of an after life and that had no evidence to support it.

    So that was thrown out the window.

    "Okay," I thought to myself, "Check feelings, again -- Still scared shitless. Second illogical reasoning for unusual sounds -- It's a psycho." Psycho reasoning had a bit of substance behind it because A) They exist and B) I was sitting by the window and that's always a perfect place for a psycho to pop up out of no where, wearing a creepy mask.

    So what did I do to best defend myself from a possible psycho walking around in my yard with a tendency to laugh like a baby?

    I played Kanye West music really loud and locked my door. Because, you know, psychos are powerless to Kanye West music.

    It's daylight now and with the fluttered feeling from my gut having left my body with the dark, I'm thinking back on the fact that I choose to fear a rampant murderer in my yard over a ghost. I think it's kind of funny how we humans can be scared of a "mist" or an "orb" that we kind of make out in the dark. I've seen those haunting shows where the so-called victim tearfully recounts the horrible sounds and images they experienced in their home created by unseen forces. Not to downplay whatever happened to them. It's just that to me, you have a little bit more leeway to escape a ghost. I always hear a haunting victim say something like, "I was scared, but I wasn't going to leave. This was my home."

    What? Are you fucking kidding me? You mean to tell me that  a home to you is filled with demonic noises and plates mysteriously breaking by themselves? What kind of fucking home did you grow up in? Move the fuck out!

    With psychos, on the other hand, the only kind of moving that you can do is to run as they chase you with a bloody machete. Psychos don't give you time to go on Craigslist to find a new apartment. They've got places to be and people to hack up into tiny, little pieces. Psychos are very busy people. Ghosts are dead things that'll stick around a while before they purportedly take over your body in demonic possession.

    So, to me, psychos are more of a force to be reckoned with. Unless you have Kanye West music on hand. Then, consider yourself to be a very, very lucky survivor.

Monday, June 30, 2008

  • Stuff I've Learned As A 21 Year Old Woman

    Here's some stuff I've learned as a 21 year old woman that I think other 21 year old women should also know:

    Stuff #1: School
    - You need a bachelor's degree. A bachelor's degree says on a resume, "Hi. I'm here to apply for entry level work." Entry level work is what you'll need to move ahead. A graduate's degree says, "Hi. I can skip all of that stuff."  A lonely high school diploma says, "Hi. I can skip all of that stuff and the job interview since I probably don't qualify."

    - I've been told not to major in art and design, philosophy, and business if you don't know what you want to major in. Art and design is a fickle industry whose instability is based on the changing tastes of society. Philosophy is a study that pays attention but doesn't pay rent. Business was a surprise. The argument is that the four years spent in business school could also be spent in the business world learning the trade and generating income at the same time. A good example of this is Bill Gates.

    - If you want a degree that guarantees you money always remember the two things that are guaranteed in life: Death and taxes. The rich and the poor need someone to manage their health and someone to manage their money. The best degrees are related in the medical and accounting fields.

    - If you earned a sorry excuse for a bachelor's degree, a law degree is always a good graduate's degree to fall back on.

    - Above all else, when seeking a college education, always remember: It's not the ones that ace the exams that get ahead. It's the ones that apply what they learn to real life that do.


    Stuff #2: Invest
    :: Note: I am only getting the hang of investing so if any of the information below is wrong, please correct me so I can edit this for others who are still learning as well ::

    - Invest. When women and money come together, either one thinks of a gold digger or a 50 cent music video. In this day and age when social security is not a guarantee and people are living longer than expectations you need to take the steps now to protect your future. It's not romantic, but it's necessary. Invest in stocks, bonds, 401 K's, and real estate as soon as you can afford it.

    - No matter if you're straight or gay, the best time to invest as a woman is before marriage. In a lot of ways, marriage is a financial partnership and as much as you love your partner, you still have to take measures to protect yourself from the unexpected off chance that they're sleeping with your brother. If you and your partner split, you risk losing half of what you own including your pension, your property, and so much more. Believe me, it happens. If you take the steps to make investments beforehand, you probably risk losing nothing as most of your investments happened prior to your union.

    *** Edit: KNOW YOUR MARRIAGE LAWS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED!
    "    It all varies state to state, so if you don't wanna risk it...prenup!" - Southernlass

    - If you're married now, I highly suggest separate accounts for the same reasons above. I also suggest investing in a property with you as the sole owner in case marital problems ever occur.

    - Real estate tip: Invest in renting. Here's a scenario that was taught to me -- You put down a down payment for $100,000 house and over time lets say that the equity reaches $150,000. You go to your financer and say you want to borrow $50,000 and use that money for a down payment on another house. Your $100,000 house can then be rented out to others who will pay your mortgage as you live in another estate. This is a good way to own multiple properties. The con about this, however, is that if you can't find a renter, you end up paying TWO mortgages and that can get ugly pretty quick if you can't sell.

    - Bonds are boring but are a sure way to save your money conservatively. Investing in gold is another sure thing, but I believe you have to be able afford it first.

    - Here's a thought: With the amount of money you paid for that Juicy Couture bag that WILL be out of style in the next season, you could have invested that money to your retirement and believe me, retirement NEVER goes out of style.


    Stuff #3: Love

    - Put it this way: If you don't think you'll ever get over the embarassment of him hearing you on the toilet, he's not the one.

    - I always find that the women who carry on in a "love-hate relationship" are often the most miserable. I use to be in one of those. Didn't work out too well. I don't think they work out too well in general. If you think about it, the attraction of a "love-hate relationship" is that it's not suppose to work but you both work to make it work. But here's the thing: You're working to make it work, whereas you could be in a "love-love relationship" where it just ... works.

    - Cosmopolitan-magazine-like advice is full of crap. Articles like, "How To Catch A Guy 101" or "Ways To Make Him Love You" are basically recipes for disasters. They give you this cutout personality to copy and paste onto your manipulated brain so that you can attract someone who is interested in the you made up by these stupid articles and not the you made up by your genes.

    - Learn to live with yourself! Christ, this irks me the most. Before you quantum leap from one relationship to another, learn to deal with being alone. If you can enjoy yourself as one person -- not half a person --then you gain confidence to share yourself with another being, without losing yourself. This is something I intend to teach my daughter.

    - Above all else: I don't care what he says -- Don't you dare let him cum in you. Not unless you want a tiny little screamer hurtling out of your vagina ready to drain your bank account for the next eighteen years.




    Stuff #4: Stuff ... In general.

    - Dump the gossip magazines. Trust me, I'm a former addict. I use to read them all the time. But I realized that the energy I spent reading about people whom I will NEVER meet could have been spent reading something that is directly impacting my life. If you don't have time to read for enrichment, listen to NPR instead. It's like Christmas for your brain.

    - Another thing: Stop with the obsession with celebrities. They are people who are overpaid for their work. One day, I would love to see a pre-school teacher who has affected the lives of many children step out of a limo instead of Kim Kardashian who is famous for a sex tape.

    - When it comes to buying name brands, choose wisely. Lets use the handbag sample again: I see a lot of women buying Coach bags. I realize that women like to play these "I've got it -- Do you??" games with their girlfriends. And yeah, it can be fun. However, I think that ONE Louis Vuitton purse beats a closet full of Coaches. If you're going to spend that amount of money, you might as well save it and put that money on ONE GOOD THING. Louis Vuitton has social status, history, good material, and it never goes out of style. I've met so many women who say, "Yeah, I bought it but I don't use it." Please don't be one of those women.

    - I sell jewelry and here is my confession as a sales woman with an interest in philosophical issues: Jewelry is meaningless. Jewelry does not feed you. It does not make you smarter, better, richer, or thinner. It just says, "I had enough money to buy this." That's it. And even so, you can still fake it and NOBODY will know. Trust me, I've seen huge diamonds and as pretty as they are, they look fake.  I only say this because I have had the unfortunate chance of making money off of women who couldn't afford it, but wanted it. Then they get into real messes and end up returning it. I just want to say to these women, "Forget it. It's not worth it. Go back home to your children."

    - Here is something that I would like to see more often: Female chivalry. We often associate chivalry with males. Why are women exempt from good behavior? I see obnoxious women every day who feel that they are entitled to being rude because they carry a vagina. No more of this PMS crap excuse. Either you admit to yourself that you are not educated enough to show some class or make changes now to show that you are a decent human being.

    - And lastly: Always, always love being a woman.


Sunday, June 29, 2008

  • A Clean Place

    Here's a good one:

    Protesters live in trees for 18 months.


    The Hawt version of this story: Hippies love trees. College loves sports. College wants to build athletic facility for their students. This requires expansion in tree zone. Hippies think to themselves, "I'm not good at sports, but I'm good at saving trees." Hippies begin to protest for trees. They do this by living in the very thing they are trying to get people to leave alone. Call it fucking odd.

    I'm not done.

    Two years later, hippies are still living in trees. Trees are probably saying to themselves, "What the fuck is on me?" College tries to negotiate. They say for every tree that they take down, they promise to lay down three more trees. Hippies think more trees is an unreasonable offer. Hippies continue to protest. College finds legal aid that will help evict protesters from trees. Hippies think they're on to something big if this whole thing is garnering legal action and continue to protest. Currently, protesting is getting out of hand. Negotiations are being finalized and yet hippies are becoming monkeys.

    Two years in a tree can do that to you.

    Hippies are flinging their own feces at people. Hippies are showering people with their urine. Hippies are doing all of this for trees ...


    I'm cool about protesting. You want to say it, say it. There's nothing wrong about that. But there was something that struck me about this particular article. It reminded me of something that I saw on television a while back.

    On Oahu, there is a neighborhood called Hawaii Kai that is known for belonging to the rich and richer. One day, in the break room, I was watching a local news segment where an old Caucasian woman -- clearly wealthy as she was speaking in front of her very beautiful driveway -- began to complain to the cameraman that locals from other neighborhoods were leaving trash in her trash bins. The show cut to an image of an abandoned couch on the side of the road. She pleaded with the people of Hawaii to reconsider throwing their trash in her locality because it was bad for the environment and the image of her neighborhood.

    The anger that I felt for this woman was enormous.

    I think the late and wonderful George Carlin said it best when he said that he was sick of "bourgeois white people" saying they wanted to save the world when really, all they wanted was "a clean place to live." That Hawaii Kai woman is a beautiful example of that.

    Ruining the environment?

    No. You just don't want the shit that we poor people have to see. That's it. That's all you had to say. And you know what? We wouldn't blame you. Because quite frankly, we're pretty sick of the shit we have to see, too. Is just that for once, it'd be nice if you shared the load.

    And I realize that poor people are not exempt from blame. One makes one's own problems that one deals with. But that's for another blog.

    Getting back to the article above, I didn't feel the same anger that was expressed towards the Hawaii Kai woman, however, I did feel an incredible amount of annoyance towards the protesters and for the same reasons. There are not a lot of good schools in Hawaii so if I were to ever hear that they were building something for the benefit of their students, I would be impressed.I think one would have to experience the not having to appreciate an offer.

    I did read that locals surrounding the college are against the idea too and like I said, I have no problem with that. I have no problem with protesting. But flinging poop, throwing piss -- Is that really necessary? You really expect people to give in to you, treat your cause respectively, and calmly wipe your fecal matter off of their shirt?

    To quote Carlin again in all of his genius: "Save the planet? We don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet! We haven't learned to care for one another and we're gonna SAVE THE FUCKING PLANET? I'm getting tired of that shit."

    Me, too. George.



Saturday, June 28, 2008

Friday, June 27, 2008

  • What would you do if a zombie outbreak occured?

    Where is the prime target place to kill a zombie and confuse a blonde simultaneously? Shoot for the head. The brain is the key source to survival for any zombie. Never mind the fact that their heart no longer pumps blood to help regulate the body's functioning system. Never mind the fact that the lungs are no longer capable of delivering oxygen. The brain is the go-to-guy if you wanna off somebody, particuarly a half-dead somebody.

    There are several ways to harm a zombie brain.

    You can, of course, go the movie route where you and a really hot comrad run around with a shot gun and blow zombie brains to smitherins, killing off other comrads in your small group until you find a solution that should have been obvious two hours beforehand. But where's the fun in that? There's no creativity.

    If you want to be creative, one thing you can do is play Fight Club on the biggest screen available. The ending will be so crazy, it will blow their minds -- Literally!

    Another way to be creative is to announce to the zombies that you're breaking up with them ... but not really. Section off the zombies, if you can, into two sections -- One for males and one section for females. Male survivors will want to take the mic in front of the clan of zombie females and say something like, "You're the only one for me and that's why I need to break up with you." Females will want to say something along those lines only with a lot more crying and an added dose of martyrdom. The zombies will be so confused and frustrated, their brains will leak through their ears painfully.



    One final way to be creative about killing zombies if the following two methods don't work is to pretend you, yourself, are a zombie. The more survivors that do this, the better. The zombies will be so confused about who is food and who is a zombie ally that they will liken themselves to be dishonored zombie samurais and perform harakiri. Hopefully, survivors won't be so convincing of their performance that they perform harakiri on themselves.

    Above all else, there are two things that require your accomplishment during a zombie outbreak:
    1. Find a blonde zombie, put them in a rounded room, and tell them they can find their human brain snack in the corner.
    2. Reenact Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video. It's important.


     
       

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tinahawt

  • Visit tinahawt's Xanga Site
    • Name: tina
    • Birthday: 9/15/1986
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 5/21/2007

About Me

  • I'm 21 years old and I still believe Angelina Jolie will adopt me.