I was talking with a friend about stuff we were afraid of and he said he was probably most afraid of being alone. That seemed so absurd to me; what the heck could possibly be wrong with being alone? I spend a lot of time alone, sometimes I spend entire days pretty much by myself. I'm really curious why someone would be afraid of being alone. He couldn't really explain why he was afraid of being alone, he just was.
I kind of wish I could change the name of my xanga, it's like a constant reminder of my misguided angst as a young teenager. In a way, it's kind of nice but I'd like to put the past behind me. It's kind of like how I get this weird twinge whenever Anna calls me Travis. I let her do it because she's so used to it but it's a constant reminder of mistakes I've made.
As I said, I'll expand on the "Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour; and I know the sour."
I've been having a really difficult past couple of weeks. Between school, stuff with the fraternity and trying to train for the relay marathon I've been spread very thin. Honestly, every part of my life was (and still is) suffering because of all of it, it was really hard. In particular, I have this class called Thermodynamics. It's very very difficult, the class average is a 60-something right now and I was somehow below the average. Very disappointing...
Well, last week was a very very trying week. I only slept like 4 hours a night most nights and I was kind of in a bad mood for most of the week because I was tired of spending so much time at the library. Every Thursday in Thermodynamics we have a quiz and I'm usually pretty bummed when I leave because I know I didn't do as well as I could have. On Wednesday night I decided I'd had enough and I stayed up until 5 studying my butt off for this quiz because I was tired of getting bad grades on them.
The quizzes in Thermo are kind of confusing, the professor doesn't like to base them strictly on the homework but rather, likes to make them extensions of the homework in order to make sure that the students are thinking instead of just memorizing and regurgitating equations. This quiz was a little bit confusing at first but I prayed a lot before it and a lot during it and almost as if God whispered it into my head, m3 = m1+m2. (it basically says the rate of the mass flowing into a system is equal to the rate of the mass flowing out of a system if the mass in the mass in the system is constant. so easy, i know). I put that somewhere and all of a sudden everything snapped together. snap snap snap. made my graph. snap snap. analyzed conditions snap snap snap. it was amazing. God really did bless me with that. But back to the quote.
It was a good feeling seeing everything work out together but the experienced was SO enriched by the fact that I had failed at it so many times and that I invested so much of myself into that moment. The bad quizzes had negative impact on my mood, health and gpa but at that moment I probably would have said that if I weighed all the good and the bad I was at least in the black. Of course, now that I'm not on the high anymore I'd rather have good grades but the sweet was so worth the sour at that point.
Har har har, the marathon's coming up and since I'm running the 4.6 mile leg I figured I should get good hard run in before it starts so I did this one. I was feeling really good after 3-4ish miles so I pushed it out to 6. It was such a great feeling of accomplishment after a couple discouraging weeks.
