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Name: Kristina
Birthday: 5/14/1984
Interests: I enjoy finding humor and beauty in everyday life. . . . I am fond of taking long walks outdoors. . . . Above all, my greatest passion is to know and share God's heart and the life-transforming power of His Word.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/4/2005
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| This past week my Facebook status read, “Kristina Kroon is in need of prayer.” Thank you to all who pray for me—and especially for those of you who came alongside me this week to encourage me when I was feeling so “broken.”
Regarding my leadership as Dean of Women at Verity, I’m reminded of a blog post one of my friends wrote a while ago:
It Depends on Who Is Holding Them. “They said to him, ‘We have only five loaves and two fish.’ And He said, ‘Bring them here to Me’” (Matthew 14:17-18). My five loaves and two fish are just five loaves and two fish in my hands. But in Jesus’ hands, with His blessing, and His breaking, they can feed many (David Rees).
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| This morning in chapel, Mr. Whitten and Susannah shared a special “chalk talk.” The theme: brokenness. The message couldn’t have been more timely; if I were to update my Facebook status right now, it would read, “Kristina Kroon’s breaking process continues.”
On Monday I posted how spring vacation was not so much a “break” for me as it was a time of “breaking.” My “break” is over; my “breaking” is not.
You know, it’s easy to want to be used of God. But becoming truly useable to Him—being emptied and broken by the hand of the Potter to be fit for His use—that’s hard. Really hard. Really, really hard.
I appreciate your prayers for. . .
me as a person,
me in my role as Women's Discipler/Women's Coordinator/Dean of Women,
my position and the responsibilities it currently entails,
what the position ideally should involve, and
how I can move in that direction. | | |
| I hear that marathon runners dread two things when they race: not having enough energy to cross the finish line and having energy left over. I’ve never run a 26-mile course, but I can relate nonetheless. Any semester at Verity feels like a marathon, and this winter term was no exception. I crossed the finish line (a.k.a. the train tracks that border South Campus) at 11:59am last Saturday morning—Peter and I shook hands the night before that we would leave on spring break not a minute later than noon, and we made our deadline =).
I arrived at home looking forward to a restful week to unwind and catch my breath after an intense two and a half months at Verity. Alas, God’s intentions for this week were quite different from mine. My plans were intercepted by the news that I was to be the sole first violinist in our church’s Easter cantata on Sunday morning. Exhausted and frustrated, I collapsed in my mom’s loving embrace. “I came home to get a break from pressure,” I sobbed, “not to have more of it heaped on me! Other people spend spring vacation getting tan on the beach, not stuck at home practicing the violin. . . . I’m booking a flight to Hawaii.”
Of course I didn’t actually fly to a tropical paradise (maybe next spring—lol!). Instead I stayed in chilly Midland, Michigan, practicing my violin in the mornings and working in the afternoons at Hidden Treasures Preschool. To say the least, the week definitely was not the vacation I had hoped for. I came home wanting to be recharged and looking forward to having a time to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually rejuvenated. Why was God requiring me to give during my break when I felt I had nothing to give and deserved to be “off duty” anyway? Throughout the week I tried to keep myself pulled together, but ask my family—they’ll attest I was just too emotionally drained and physically tired to maintain my poise. I’m so thankful for my wise, loving mom who time and again this week would permit me to vent and then point me back to God’s Truth.
After one of our mother-daughter talks, I took a long walk around the neighborhood to mull things over. Tears spilled from my eyes, but the brim of the fleece hat I was wearing obscured the telltale evidence that I was in the midst of a private pity-party/prayer-time. “Lord, You know how drained I am. Spring vacation is supposed to be a time to be refreshed. This week is a bummer of a break. It’s not fair! I give all I have at Verity, only to come home and have to give more—even when I feel I don’t have anything to give. I feel so empty, so wiped out. And in a few days I’ll be returning to my responsibilities at Verity not feeling rested. . . . Fill me, Jesus; please fill me with Yourself.”
I’m reminded of God’s promise in Romans 8:11, which says, “But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.” That’s pretty awesome to think about—especially this week as Christ’s death and resurrection is fresh on my mind. To realize that the same Spirit Who brought Jesus back to life now dwells in me giving life to me, wow!
This week has not been the relaxing vacation I thought I needed. But that’s because God knew what I really needed: His Spirit filling mine. He is teaching me the importance of looking to Him, not my circumstances, when I need to be revived. Contrary to my conventional Organizer mindset, victorious Christian living isn’t about allocating my resources; it’s about depending on Christ’s Spirit in me. With His Spirit breathing life into this mortal body of mine, I’m eager for the next “marathon” starting tomorrow when we reconvene at Verity. . . . | | |
| “Be ye perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect,” Jesus commands (Matthew 5:48). His directive sounds like an impossible standard to me—as much as I’d like to be Superwoman, I’m merely Kristina Kroon. I have a lot of weaknesses and shortcomings—how can I ever “be perfect” in God’s sight?
A word study on the Greek word for perfect sheds important light on my question. Whereas I’m thinking that to be “perfect” means to be flawless and impressive, telios is more accurately translated to mean “mature” and “complete.” To my surprise, I find in Scripture that even though David experienced many failures throughout his life, God considers him to be a man whose heart was “perfect” toward Him (see 1 Kings 15:3). That’s good news for me!
My perspective is changing about Christ’s command to “be perfect.” I’m beginning to understand that Christ is not handing me an unfeasible order; He is offering me a life-giving promise. He knows that I am a sinner fallen short of His glory (see Romans 3:23). He tells me that apart from Him I am nothing and can do nothing (John 15:5). Yet, He assures me that in my weakness, His strength is made perfect [telios] to bring glory to Himself (II Corinthians 12:9). In fact, He informs me that He has provided me everything I need for life and godliness (II Peter 1:3), and that He is in the process of making me perfect [telios] and well-pleasing in His sight (Hebrews 13:21). Now I recognize that to “be perfect” in God’s sight is not an achievement I’m supposed to strive for; it’s an identity that He, my “Father which is in heaven,” wants me to accept. Wow!
In contrast to my initial fear, I realize that God never intended my own insufficient spiritual understanding, emotional energy, and physical stamina to be the source of my living out this command. Rather, the source is my security in my Heavenly Father and His love for me (see Matthew 5:46-48; see also Romans 5:8, 8:15). The more I understand the love of my “Father which is in heaven,” the more I can freely share it with the people around me, as He teaches me to do in this passage. To my great joy, I learn that to “be perfect” in God’s sight means knowing and believing the unconditional love of my Heavenly Father and being so filled with His love that it overflows into the lives of everyone He has placed around me. | | |
| A new week is dawning, and I’m sitting at the dining table in the staff girls’ apartment sipping a mug of pomegranate herbal tea. I’m still pondering the concept of sincerity and how it applies to Kristina Kroon as the Verity Women’s Coordinator. Being the Dean of Women is a tall order. Some people tell me I’m too nice; I should be firmer. Others inform me I’m not personable enough. Another says I lack pizzazz. It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations of how I should play out this role. So what do I do about the discrepancy between who I really am and who others wish I were?
“Kristina,” God’s Spirit whispers to mine. “Who are you living to please? Are you living to please yourself with the satisfaction of knowing you’re well thought of, or are you living to please Me with the goal to point others to My glory and prove My goodness?”
With a tender smile, His Spirit continues. “Beware of basing your identity and measuring your faithfulness according to your perception of how others view you. Make sure that you’re seeing yourself the way I see you. Kristina, you are a sinner totally depraved, yet because I created you in My image, you are worth to Me the dying of My Only Begotten Son, and I am in the process of conforming you to His glory. Kristina, remember this is how I see you—this is how you really, truly are. Live in contentment and confidence with who I’ve made you.” | | |
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