something else on my myspace that i removed, it's to my husband.:
to be honest, i can't say that wishes don't come true, because since i was 7 years old i knew in my heart that i would marry him, & i can't tell you how many times i'd wished that one day he would be mine. the 9 years i had to wait has honestly been worth it. not a day goes by that i don't thank God for him & wonder how i got so lucky to have him. he is honestly my soul mate. don't get me wrong, i have some close friends, but he's the only one who really gets me. he's amazing. he's been there by my side with me through thick & thin, & he has done nothing but love me & take the best care of me, & he carried me through some of the toughest times in my life. he's my everything, & i honestly believe the day he walked into my life was the day he saved my life; the path i was going down wasn't the best & i honestly believe without him, i'd either be dead or locked up somewhere. i think i have truly been blessed, because some people wait a lifetime before they find their soul mate .. and mine was right there all along. he honestly brought me to life; i was a zombie until he came. i love you so much, christopher, you're my world; i owe you my life.
today was my first day back to school .. & i must say, i'm pretty worn out .. but i still have a class left to go at 6:30. 6:30 - 9:15. i can't believe that shit. it's times like these i wish that i went to a big university & was staying in a dorm, so i wouldn't have that far to go to get to class & i wouldn't feel guilty for staying up so late. which, i get up at 8 every morning .. it's just, i hate going to bed later than usual, because it takes forever sometimes for me to get a shower & then be back up without a fight or a hassle the next morning. whatever, i guess. it's one of those things that you must do, & it kindof sucks that really the only way you can get anywhere in life is if you have that little piece of paper in your hand (a degree). it gets rough at times .. like now. & i feel like that the end is so far away, that i can't even picture it 'paying off' in my head.
besides that, my day just got a little brighter. i got a job, & i start this coming friday. i couldn't be anymore excited! i need this job desperately, being married has started out rough, haha. plus, i need to purchase a vehicle. we'll see, i guess.
i also took a pregnancy test today, for the sake that i *thought* that i was pregnant. guess not .. guess i'm just stressed. we'll see. i'm pretty sure it's #2, though.
so i'm off to call my husband & inform him that i start friday at my new job. & how excited i am .. then class at 6:30.
Something else that I wrote on my myspace that was to my family that i want to remember but .. want gone.
due to recent events, i've realized something: God has blessed me with one of the greatest families in the world.
my grandmother is very ill & is in the intensive care unit at cabell huntington hospital. her condition is serious enough that all of my aunts & uncles & most of my cousins came home (they've come from as far as wisconsin & florida) to stay with my aunt & grandfather so we could all visit with my grandmother together.
i didn't know how happy i'd be to see all of my family, & the fact of us actually all being together. i didn't know how much i'd missed my uncle bobby & aunt linda .. & i hadn't seen my aunt debbie since i was 14, maybe? it felt so nice to be around such a close - knit, loving family. i haven't felt that feeling in so long, i'd almost forgotten what it felt like!
& i also thought that it was terrible that it took my grandmother getting seriously ill to bring us together. phone conversations & letters & photographs are nice, but it just doesn't cut it. it isn't the same effect as being all under the same roof. we shouldn't have waited for my grandmother to get this bad off to come home; we should've done this long before.
today, as i looked around at everyone, i felt better. i felt home, & i felt complete. i didn't have to do anything to impress anyone. i was with the people that, no matter what i do in life, no matter how many people i kill & no matter how many times i fail in something, they're going to be the ones that are always there for me. they're always going to be there to back me up through anything. we sat & laughed at stupid jokes, made fun of the nasty hotel we stayed at, & my hair even got made fun of & so did my cousin's clothes - but that doesn't matter. no matter what i look like & no matter what kindof clothes my cousin wears, they still love us, & i know for a fact that i love them with all my heart, unconditionally.
and i know that my grandmother knows we're there. i know she can hear us. i know that's why she's pulling through. she's got too much to live for to give up now. i haven't had babies yet; she knows she's gotta at least give me time to have a baby .. or two :D plus, she knows she's got her grandchildren & great grand children to watch grow. she knows she can't leave us yet, & she's fighting. us coming together & coming to see her & her knowing we're there, it's helping her fight - & that's what made me realize how lucky i am to have the family that i do. i love you guys ♥
something sweet i wrote to him & want to delete off my myspace. i don't know if i already have it on here or not. but .. here. hm.
i’m so sorry that i ever doubted your love. you have done so many things for me, things that no one would ever do for a person unless they loved them. it is in the way you play with my hair, the way you kiss me, the way you hold me, & certainly the way you give me goosebumps at the touch that i know that you love me & that you are the only one for me ! i without a doubt know that you were sent to me for a reason .. you’ve been with me for two years now ( & counting;) ! ), & we’re getting married soon .. i couldn’t have asked for anything better. we have had our ups & downs, but what perfect relationship hasn’t ? you are my knight in shining armor, & you have done nothing but swept me off my feet continuously. i love you so much & i absolutely cannot wait to be pronounced your wife next july 16 ! i love you more than anything, baby, with all my heart & everything that i am. i know i can put my faith in you, i know that you will never leave me. what more could i ask for ?! i love you so much ! we’ve said forever is ours, but our wedding day will make it official:) i love you sweetheart, & i will from here on out do everything in my power to prove that i love you just the same & even more, for you truly deserve it.
it's funny how down to the last 2 weeks prior to your wedding, there will be many people that try to talk you out of it. no matter how much you've already spent; never mind the gown that took you a couple months to get out of layaway (& did i mention the tuxedos & how long it took to get the boys all down there together to get them?), forget the shoes that took you forever to find (& forever to practice walking right in), screw the invitations you've already handed out & the favors for the guests you've already created, and who cares about your menu you've picked out, filled with delicious food & tasty desserts. i can't tell you the mass amounts of people that were constantly telling me that i needed to "think this through," & how i really needed to "make sure this was something i was ready for" & "something i really wanted to do." i also can't tell you how many people told me that i was too young to get married. i was even hearing these comments from people that for the past 3 years now were telling me that "me & chris were meant for eachother" & how "we were one of the cutest couples." it was as if suddenly right before the wedding they'd done a complete turn around & suddenly were no longer fans of the man who'd swept me off my feet & had been nothing but kind to them and welcomed them into his life with open arms, just as my friends had done to him.
when it got right down to it, the wedding was fun. searching for the perfect gown & accessories, finding the church, getting catered, choosing your flowers .. it was all fun & games & might i add, it was a blast. but due to the fact i have the worst of nerves in the first place, the stress that was caused has led me to believe that if it weren't for my own personal reasons as to this being the first & last time i'd get married - i'll never do this again.
sure, i've only been married a week & 3 days. but the married life so far has been pretty sweet to us. we still haven't quite moved into our place (there are small kinks still yet to be worked out), but we're getting there. i still have some problems in the vehicle department, along with my employment status .. but i'm sure things will be worked out in time, & hopefully soon. i'm kind of anticipating before school starts, at least! the honeymoon was over as soon as it had begun, and that was sad .. but it also opened up new doors for us, considering we're moving to tennessee as soon as i get finished with my associate's here. we haven't had any big bills yet, but i'm sure that that, too, can't be as bad as all of those people made it out to be. neither of us are expensive people, & we don't have to have the absolute best of everything. we don't wear name brand clothes (hollister, aeropostale, etc.), we don't leave lights on 24 / 7, we don't have ridiculously long phone conversations with people from out of town. i believe that with my whole heart that between the two of us, chris & i can make it.
& in closing, i must say .. that i love being a wife :)
