There are too many things that I want of myself that are different from what they are now. Too many. And you can't just flip a switch and go lahdeedah and find yourself transformed. Doesn't work that way. This kind of change comes gradually, and with some effort. But it all boils down to incentives. What incentives you have to create that change within yourself.
I'm talking about that slow and steady process of evolving into someone you want to be. Growth. I suppose you could call it that.
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about happiness. About the things that make me truly happy. And I find that it's quite hard to be really honest with myself. Do I really want that new shiny item-of-desire-at-the-moment? Do I really not care that I want it? Am I copping out by saying I don't want it? I tell little white lies to myself, and at the end of all the questioning, I'm just as uncertain, if not more, of what I want. But I can feel it coming. I know that if I keep asking myself, and each time try to be a little more honest, I'll find out eventually.
I think most people tell themselves little white lies everyday, half believing them. Things like hey, I've got a job with a nice salary, life's good. Or, oh she really loves me, it's just me that always let her down. Or, I'm really, truly happy
Are you?
If you're not, ask yourself: What makes me happy, really?
And when you find out, go chase it with everything you got.
You know that feeling when you have your own space, all to yourself, to do whatever you like, whenever you like? Those four walls where within you spend time playing guitar in your boxers and falling asleep, or having laugh-out-loud sessions with your friends, or just sitting and emptying your mind of the universe?
Well, I don't have that yet. But I've a new home in cyberspace. www.yuriwong.com
